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libraryofloveletters · 4 years ago

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Love Delivered To Your Doorstep

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of cheating, break ups and killing/serial killers. (<in a joking context)

Category: fluff for the most part.

Word Count: 3.9k

Author’s Note: Doesn’t follow canon, it has a little of buck begins in there but it doesn't follow a strict timeline. It also is written like Buck moves to LA and has his apartment from the moment he moves there while trying to figure out what he wants to do.

-----

Texting and calling was never your choice method of communication.

Letters had always been more of your thing.

Truthfully, they hadn't been your thing until your boyfriend moved halfway across the country for university. The two of you met in high school, freshman year and became inseparable since. Growing together and promising to always love each other no matter what -you always knew that couldn't be true but it never stopped you from telling him.

When he told you that he was going to be applying to UCLA during your senior year of high school, it came as a bit of a shock to you. The plan was always going to college together, get engaged when you were done school and then married with a house by 30.

You held out the hope of that being possible until the day he showed you his acceptance letter.

You were incredibly proud of him but it was real now, he was leaving.

You watched him pack up his entire life and uproot himself from New York and moved across the country. You sent the first letter to him at what was supposed to be his apartment.

September 30th.

‘Hi baby!

Just writing to see how you're settling in. How’s UCLA ? Have you gotten a chance to go around and get to see the place ? I know you’re there for school but you've got to live a little too. Hope your neighbours are sweet, your mom told me it’s a pretty nice place and it’s got a good view, sounds like your type of place. Hopefully I can come visit you soon.

I started my classes last week. My chem professor is a pain in my ass already, he expects us to read an entire textbook in a week - well not exactly an entire textbook but you get the point. My biology professor is a sweetheart, she showed us pictures of her kids and talked about them for an hour, I didn't realize being a mother was so interesting but she was cool. Also showed us a video of an appendectomy that one of her colleagues performed last week. How are your classes and professors ?

Did I mention I bumped into Sam at the grocery store ? Yeah, he’s back and he’s not fine to tell you the truth. He seemed like he was ready to snap but that might just be my judgment. He said to tell you hello if I spoke to you so- hello :)

I’m going to sign off here, I know this one is short but I don’t have much to update you on. Life’s been pretty dull without you. Hope you’re having fun out there, soaking up the sun for me.

Write me back soon, I love you.

Yours always, y/n’

You mailed the letter the next day, a few weeks had passed before you received a letter back. Except this letter had a different sender name but the same address.

October 22nd.

‘Hi y/n,

This isn't your boyfriend. (I'm assuming that’s who you're writing too based on the context of the letter) I’m Evan, I live in the apartment you thought belonged to your boyfriend or maybe you got the address wrong, I’m not sure. I know you were waiting for an update on all these exciting things that are happening at UCLA. I do not go to UCLA nor can I update you in anything exciting that’s happening there, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing you back is because I figured you’d want to know that this isn't the correct address and the person you were looking for isn't here before you send another letter and get no response. I was debating if I should have even written you back, but here I am, writing you back.

Your professor for chem seems like an ass to be honest (hope that’s not rude) and your biology professor sounds great, is she hot by the way ? because bonus points for that. Anyways, are you studying medicine ? I'm guessing yes because of the classes you're taking. I'm thinking of signing up to become a first responder but I haven’t decided yet on what yet or if I'm actually going to do it. Anyways, good luck on your classes and the shitty chem professor.

Hope you find your boyfriend (again, assuming)

Peace out,

Evan.’

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. How could the letter you sent to your boyfriend’s apartment belong to someone else ? Why was there someone else living in his apartment ? You dug through your apartment, searching for the paper he left you with the address, you finally found it buried in a drawer.

The address on the paper was identical to the one that Evan sent to you and to the one you sent prior to that. Either your boyfriend was lying or you were losing your mind.

November 4th.

‘Dear Evan,

I'm sorry that I sent the first letter to you and as you guessed, I was looking for my boyfriend who seems to be a bit MIA right now. His mother says that’s the right address and the place that she helped him move into. So I'm not really sure what’s happening there. Anyways, sorry for unloading all of that on you.

To answer your question, yes, I am studying medicine and no, she isn't hot. My bio professor is a 65 year old woman who loves her college aged kids very much. If that’s your definition of hot, then yes - she's got milf status

Have you decided yet if you’re going to sign up to be a first responder ? That’d be pretty cool. Imagine all the girls swoon over you and how many girls you’d pick up just for being a paramedic or a firefighter.

Wait, are you into girls ? Or guys ? You know, whoever you're into, just imagine how many of them you’d pick up.

Also, you’re not a murderer or anything right ? because I rather not answer questions when the police come asking about why I've been sending letters to a serial killer.

Anyways, signing off for now.

Yours always, y/n.

ps. if you do end up bumping into or meeting a guy that looks like my boyfriend, (tall, brown hair, brown eyes. he’s got a pierced ear and a little butterfly tattoo by his collarbone- though not sure why or how you'd see his collarbone) let me know or tell him that his girlfriend is looking for him.

Double ps, what size shirt do you wear ?’

Buck laughed at your absurd question. A person he didn’t even know was asking what size shirt he wore. The letter was set on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, getting buried under all of the stuff he had on there. It was almost the end of December when he realized that he hadn't written you back yet.

December 21st.

‘Hey y/n,

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. Things have been hectic over here. I’ve been doing some ‘soul-searching’ - I guess you could call it that and honestly, I don’t think if this whole first responders thing is for me.

I tried out bartending or well, the technical term is mixologist and I’m liking it so far, I think i’m going to stick with it for now.

How have you been ? How’s school ? Surely, you’re on break for the holidays right about now or at least when you get this letter. I hope that you're spending the break doing something fun.

I’m not going to make this very long, I’m sure you’ve been busy with whatever you’re doing right now.

Also, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you located the mysteriously disappearing boyfriend yet ? I haven't seen anyone that fit your description.

well, that’s not true- I did and just to be sure I asked to see his collarbone, he looked at me like I was a mad man so I guess it wasn't him ?

Anyways, I hope you have a good holiday and you're probably gonna get this sometime between holidays, so merry belated (?) Christmas and happy New Years y/n.

Peace out,

Evan.

ps. medium or large, depending on what it is. Hopefully that answers your question weirdo.’

January 13th.

The morning of the 13th, he went down to check his mail. A box was there with his name on it, the return address was one he had only seen on an envelope. The box returned upstairs with him, setting it on the counter before opening it.

Upon opening it, there was a letter and some colourful tissue paper with what seemed like a sweater under it. He opened the letter first.

‘Dear Evan,

Happy New Years! How was your holiday going ? Did you do anything fun ?

I’ve been good and school is good too, I'm almost done my first year, isn't that crazy ? Just a few more months to go.

How’s your job as mr. mixologist going ? I'm sure you’ve met some wild people and heard some interesting stories.

As for the boyfriend situation, that's over. I’m not surprised to tell you the truth but it still kinda sucks. Anyways, so what happened was that his older brother had come home from college last year and brought a friend with him. She went to the same school as his brother but transferred to UCLA- anyways long story short, they hooked up while he and I were still together and he moved in with her after his mom helped him move into the apartment I thought he had.

But! I’m single and chilling now so it’s all good. (bonus, she cheated on him and left him so yeah)

I got you a little something for Christmas and as a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present. I was in the gift shop and it made me think of you. Do you celebrate Christmas? I forgot to check oops. If you don't, count it as a just a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present?

I got a large because I wasn't sure if it would fit. I hope you like it. That’s all for now.

Yours always, y/n.’

He unwrapped the tissue paper to see a blue sweater with the letters NYU on it. He smiled, he assumed that’s where you went. It was sweet that you took the time to get him something, even if it was a by the way thing. Not a lot of people would send something to a person they had been talking to via letters and halfway across the country.

February 12th.

2 days before Valentine's Day, your least favourite holiday of the year. You weren't looking forward to watching all your friends going on with their boyfriends and girlfriends. The mail had arrived while you were out, you picked it up and headed in. There were two envelopes with your name on it, a plain white one and a red one. The red envelope was more squared than rectangular, you assumed it was a card- both had the same sender name.

‘Hey y/n!

Thank you for the sweater, it was nice of you to think of me and get me something. I didn’t know we were doing gifts or I would have sent you something as well and yes, I do celebrate Christmas.

My job as ‘mr. mixologist’ was going well until I quit. It just didn’t feel like the right fit for me you know ? I'm going to see what else is out there for me.

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, he seems like a douche. Who would cheat on you ? You seem great I mean at least you are on paper (did you get my joke, it’s hard to tell)

Also, remember how I was thinking I might actually give that first responder thing a try? Imagine me as a firefighter, that’s pretty cool right ?

So I kinda did a thing and signed up and then I got in. I started two weeks ago and it was kicking my ass at first but I've gotten a hang of it and things are going pretty well. There's three other Evans in my class so everyone calls me Buck-I kind of like it.

The other envelope, hopefully you opened this one first, is a little something for you for valentines. Hope you like it.

Peace out,

Buck’

The red envelope was on your lap, you pulled the edges carefully not wanting to rip it. Inside was a plain white card with bright red letters that made you laugh. The cover read ‘I’m not sick of you yet!” Opening the card, a $20 fell onto your lap. There was a little message inside that went along with the cash.

‘Since we aren't together and can’t spend valentines together, there’s some cash to get yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. Happy Valentines Day y/n

Love, Buck.’

You smile, this was the first time that Buck had signed with ‘love, buck’ it had always been ‘peace out, buck.’ You tucked the card into the drawer, one you didn’t use very often so you knew it’d be safe there.

*4 years later*

A few weeks had passed since Buck had last heard from y/n. His last letter to her was at the end of June, telling her all about the day he had spent at Hen and Karen’s. He always described every little detail so vividly that it made her feel like she was there with him- but it was now July, end of actually and moving into August.

4 years had blown like nothing.

It felt like just yesterday he got the first letter in the mail. 4 years and they still had no idea what each other looked like but they knew every intricate and intimate detail about each other, their lives and the people in it.

Y/n and Buck had grown rather close over the last few months- more than they already were. Y/n just went through a pretty shitty break up and Buck wasn't exactly big on relationships as of right now.

He had just gotten home from work, his keys set on the counter when he realized that he forgot to check his mail. Stepping back out, there was a woman in the hallway and boxes scattered across her, leading into the apartment down the hall.

She must be his new neighbour.

He wanted to go over and introduce himself but she was busy telling the movers where to set her couch so he decided that he would check the mail and then introduce himself when he returned so he did just that.

Except, she was still busy.

She leaned against the wall, watching the movers move what looked like a coffee table. She glanced up to see Buck walking by, she smiled and he returned the smile.

Buck reaches his apartment, the mail in hand and steps in. He sorts through the pile, bills, ads, coupons and no letter from y/n.

---

Your new apartment was a mess. You decided it was time for a change. You applied to a few hospitals after your break up and the one in LA hired you. So you dropped everything and moved- no family, no ties.

A fresh start.

It was a nice neighbourhood and the building was quiet. The neighbours you met were pleasant and welcoming. When you were having the furniture moved in, there was a blonde man who smiled at you and you assumed he lived in the unit down the hall because that’s where he stepped into.

It was almost 11pm when you finally sat down. You had been on your feet all day and just wanted to eat something. The box with the dishes was beside the couch, you pulled the tape off and opened it. There was an envelope sitting on top of the stack of plates.

Buck’s last letter to you.

You must have tossed it into the boxes while packing and you forgot to write him back. Tumbling through the boxes, you find a sheet of paper and a pen from your bag. Sitting on the floor, the paper resting on an unopened box, you begin writing.

‘Dear Buck,

I’m sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. I quit my job, and uprooted my entire life. The break up sucked major ass as you know, so I decided it was time for a change.

Guess where I decided to go ?

Did you guess yet?

No, not Canada, why would you guess Canada ?

LA!

Yeah, isn't that crazy that I ended up here of all places? Maybe we could get together one day (if you haven’t turned into a crazy serial killer that is.)

Anyways, that’s why I've taken so long to write. I was packing when I got your letter and I tossed it in a box and just found it again. Anyways, I hope you’ve been good, how have things been at the station ?

I promise I'll write again with more details soon, I just have to get settled in first.

Yours always, y/n.’

Folding the paper, you slipped into an envelope. The address being scribbled into the back of the envelope. You were about to seal it when the building number caught your eye.

It was the same number as the place you moved into. The same address, the building number, the same floor.

The unit number was the only difference.

There was no way you moved into the building that Buck lived in.

You knew the address felt familiar when you saw the listing but you didn’t think anything of it nor did it occur to you that you knew the address.

Stepping out of your apartment, looking at the number on the room and back down at the envelope in your hand. Buck’s apartment was down the hall.

Part of you just wanted to mail it and keep things as it was but another part of you wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like in person. So there you were walking down the hallway at a quarter past 11 in the dead of the night to meet a man you had been sending letters to for the last 4 years.

The end of the hallway, you stared at the black wooden door in front of you. Your brain weighing the options right now: he’s a sweetheart and welcoming and makes you feel comfortable or he’s a weird guy who’s been lying to you this whole time and you told him everything about you and now he’s going to kill you.

Before you could register what you were doing, you knocked on the door.

Glancing down at yourself, you were wearing a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt from high school that you found in a drawer while packing. Not an ideal outfit, maybe he’s sleeping and you can go home and change- the door opened, a man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt stood there. He looked like he had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“It's alright,” he yawned, his hand covering his mouth as he blinked away a few tears. “What can I do for you ?” he leaned against the door.

“Um, this is an odd question-” you shifted, glancing down at the envelope in your hand. “Are you Buck ?”

“I am, who are you ?”

“Y/n.”

You had never seen a man wake up that fast, he seemed surprised, confused and concerned all in one. “How- uh, are you- What ?” he mumbled.

“I found your letter in the box after I moved, I moved into the apartment down the hall” you point to your left, Buck sticks his head out of the doorway and looks at the door you were pointing to. You were the woman in the hallway that he saw earlier, he knew you looked familiar.

“I just wrote your letter and I noticed that the addresses were the same, just a different unit number so I decided to come check. Sorry if I bothered you, we can talk another day- it’s late and you probably have work” “Would you like to come in?” he opens the door a bit more, looking to you for an answer.

“Um, okay sure.” stepping in, you can’t help but glance around. The apartment was similar to yours, the layout was a bit different though. “Can I get you something to drink ? Coffee, water ? A beer ?” he rounded the kitchen counter, you took a seat on one of the chairs by the counter.

“Water’s fine, thanks”

He reached for a bottle from the fridge, sliding it over to you. You gave him a smile, he leaned against the counter and was now looking- studying you.

“I know we’ve talked to each other for 4 years but this is kinda strange” you chuckled awkwardly, Buck can't help but smile.

“Yeah, it is, isn't it? but can I ask why you moved to LA?”

“Well all of that was in the letter” you slide the envelope across the counter and he picks it up, opening it. Giving him a few moments to read, you watch his expression like you were hoping for some insight as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. He let out a laugh, “how’d you know I'd guess Canada ?” you smiled at him, a small wave of relief washing over you for some reason. “Lucky guess I suppose”

“Do you-” “What are-” the sentences cutting each other off, the two of you awkwardly smiling at each other. “You first” looking at him, he hums.

“Do you have work tomorrow or are you busy ?” His eyes meet yours, you found yourself leaning forwards towards the counter- towards him. He made you feel comfortable, you’d go as far as to say safe, in a way you’ve never felt before.

“No, I don't start until the 21st. Why ?”

“I was thinking - if you're not busy and if you want to, of course. Maybe I could take you out for breakfast and I could show you around ? Or lunch or dinner ? Whatever works for you actually” he rambles, fiddling with his fingers to avoid eye contact.

A small laugh slips past your lips causing him to look up, his brows furrowed as he studies your face, looking for an answer.

“Breakfast sounds good, what time should I be ready for ?”

“Uh, is 10 okay ?” he asks, you nod. “I’ll be ready for 10 then.”

“Okay, I'll pick you up” he smiles.

“Buck, we live in the same building.”

“Oh right,” he chuckles, “well I'll be by yours at 10 then” the two of you smiling at each other.

“Okay.”

----

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celestialevie · 4 years ago

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Flower Boy // George Weasley x GN! Reader

Summary: AU where y/n is working at the tattoo shop, while their best friend is an owner of a flower shop. What happenes when expecting to see your best friend for lunch, you end up meeting a tall ginger man. Warnings: fluff, mention of food, tattoos, flowers, George being absolute charmer Word count: 1.7k a/n: enjoy this aboslute fluff of a fic!! and again, english is not my first language so if there are any mistakes please do not hestitate to let me know about it!! ' Evangeline ' is an oc of mine, so she might appear in some of my fics as a side charachter. Also credit to @bwbatta for the dividers!!

Being a tattoo artist was one of the things you were proudest of. It wasn't easy to become one after neglecting art for so many years during High School. But after your best friend opened her own flower shop, she helped you get your inspiration for art being constantly surrounded by flowers and stories of why people were getting flowers. You were happy with everything but not knowing that wasn't the end of your happiness. It all started when you were on your lunch break and decided to swing by your best friend's flower shop to visit her. Expecting to see a small blonde girl behind the counter, you were shocked to see a tall ginger man standing there instead. '' Hello, how can I help you today? '' When ginger looked up, he felt as if someone kicked all of the air from his lungs because before him stood a beautiful person with y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes. Smiling at them as they approached the counter, they were even more beautiful up close. '' Hi, um I'm looking for Evangeline? I didn't know she hired someone new. '' Ginger laughed, nodding his head. '' Ah yes, I'm only here temporarily. Unfortunately, you just missed her, she left to go on a lunch break with my uglier twin. '' You only laughed at that. '' Too bad, but can you please let her know that y/n looked for her? '' He nodded. '' I'll let her know. I'm George by the way. If you ever wanna ask her for me. '' George wiggled his eyebrows, making you shook your head. '' It was nice meeting you, but I have to go now. Please don't break any of her flowers she's not afraid to commit murder if you break something in her shop. '' his eyes widen, making you laugh as you were leaving but his voice stopped you. '' Hey! You come here often? '' he asks '' Considering I use to work here and my best friend owns it, yes. '' and with that, you left the shop, heading back to your workplace.

As the clock turned changed time to 8 pm, you relaxed finally going home after a stressful day. Just as you were open the door, Evangeline barged in. '' Hello, heard you've been looking for me. '' She grinned at her best friend, attacking them with a hug. '' Hello to you too,'' you said returning the hug '' I see the tall ginger you failed to mention to me kept his word. '' smirk appearing in the corner of your mouth as you recall your encounter with him from earlier today. '' It seemed to me you left a trance on Georgie boy. '' Evangeline wiggled her eyebrows, making you laugh '' You can't do that to me, I wanted to have lunch with my best friend only to find she ditched me for and I quote the ginger man '' uglier twin '', leaving me to get almost a heart attack. For a second I thought I walked into a wrong shop. '' Both of you walked out of the shop, heading towards your apartment. '' Speaking of that date, you also failed to mention you were dating someone, and here I thought we tell each other everything, tsk tsk. I'm disappointed. '' you nudged her, blush creeping on her cheeks. '' Oh my god are you blushing? He's making you blush just by thinking of him? You need to tell me about him. '' and so she did. She told you how his name is Fred and along with his twin, he has 6 siblings, making both of them the middle children. It was very interesting to know about a man who took an interest in my best friend. Deciding she'll spend the night at yours, you both got cosy into pyjamas and watched movies until you both crashed. The next morning you went together to work, letting you know she'll come to your work for the lunch break. So when your lunch break came, you didn't expect her to walk in with the same ginger man from yesterday. '' y/n/n, I brought us a bodyguard to keep us safe during our lunch break. '' grin played on her lips, making you shake your head. '' Yeah because we're so in danger that someone is gonna try and kill us while eating Taco Bell. '' George snorted, making you look at him. He looked even cuter than yesterday if that's even possible. Maybe there was something in gingers that you'd yet to discover that makes them so attractive. '' So flower boy, what do you do when you're not being a bodyguard or taking care of Evie's flower shop. '' he was grinning at the nickname. '' I own a joke shop with my brother, but we're currently redecorating inside so we had to close it for a week or two. '' An attractive businessman, that's a first one you snorted to yourself. Spending an hour with two of them, turned into a mostly back and forth conversation between George and you. Soon Evie had to leave, her lunch break coming to an end. To your surprise, George asked you if he could stay for a bit longer, which you said yes to since you had no client for another hour. He asked you about your art style, which, according to George made your eyes sparkle up with happiness, making him chuckle when you started to ramble not even noticing. '' You're rambling. '' he chuckled making you blush a little. '' Sorry, sometimes I can get carried away without even noticing. '' George smiled, taking your hand in his, making you look at him. '' Don't apologise, it's adorable. '' blushing even harder, you looked at the clock making you realise that in 15 minutes your client should be coming. '' Oh shit I didn't even realise how much time has passed already, I have to prepare for the next client. But hey if you ever want a tattoo you know where to come. '' You said and with that, you disappeared somewhere behind in the storage, kind of hiding from flower boy, because he's starting to make you feel things you haven't felt before.

Everything was happening so fast, in the next few days he kept coming either alone or in a company of Evangeline. She knew what she was doing and she was enjoying it. You even got to meet Fred, him wanting to meet the fascinating best friend of his girlfriend and the person who his brother can't seem to stop talking about. So when George asked you out, you said yes having nothing to lose. Deciding on a picnic, both of you packed some food, and he picked you up after work, leading you to a park. He prepared a blanket and put down the baskets where food and drinks were, sitting down and relaxing. '' How was your day? '' you began the conversation. '' It was good, mostly spent the entire day thinking of what to bring for our date tonight. '' a smile appeared on his face. '' How was yours? Any interesting tattoos you did? '' so you told him about this older guy who had half of his back tattooed with some weird game character, which made him laugh. Looking up at the sky, it looked amazing. '' Isn't the view beautiful? '' a grin played on your lips as you looked at the stars. George was only looking at you, and how beautiful you looked under the stars. If he wasn't already falling, he definitely would've now. '' Yeah, it couldn't be more beautiful. '' you looked at him and he was looking at you. '' Stop looking at me like that! '' He grinned at you, placing a hand on your cheek. '' Like what? '' he said softly while looking you in the eyes. '' L-like I've placed all the stars in the sky as if I'm the most unique thing on this planet. '' you were avoiding his eyes, knowing you wouldn't be able to breathe if you do. George had other plans, because he softly placed finger under your chin, making you look up at him. His eyes were filled with so much adoration, making you get lost in them. '' I've been looking at you like that ever since we first met, darling. I've grown quite fond of you from the first time our eyes met. '' a smile was spread on both of your lips '' God how much I love seeing you smile. I like you so much, love. '' placing your hands on both of his cheeks '' Can I tell you something? '' you said quietly almost a whisper. '' You can tell me anything. '' ''I like you too flower boy. '' even bigger smile was on his lips. '' Could you say it again? '' you furrowed your eyebrows. '' Were you not listening? '' he shook his head. ' No, I was, I just like the sound of your voice. '' you shook your head at his goofiness. '' Can you kiss me? '' a grin appeared on his lips '' Thought you'd never ask. '' and with that, he placed his soft lips on top of yours, lips mending with each other. It was like fireworks exploded inside you, from how much happiness you felt in this moment. Everything was perfect.

The next day you decided to visit Evangeline in the shop, expecting to see I guy you've grown s much fond of. And there he was stood with Fred and Evangeline, his beautiful smile playing on his lips. '' Hello, hope I'm not interrupting a big secret meeting. '' you joked as you approached them. George pulled you in his embrace, placing a small kiss on your temple as he sneaked an arm around your shoulder. '' Of course not love. '' you smiled at him, starting a conversation with him, not noticing how Fred and Evangeline were looking at the two of you. '' I haven't seen her smile like that in ages. '' Evie said, '' Hey flower boy, '' Fred began only to be shot by a dirty look by you. '' Hey, only I can call him that,'' you said and with that making everyone laugh including yourself. This is the happiest you've been in forever, and you could only hope it could stay like this forever.

#harry potter #hogwarts #george wealsey x reader #george weasley #fred and george #george wealsey imagine #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley #harry potter fanfiction #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley one shot #weasley twins #hp #fred and george weasley #george weasley fluff #george weasley angst #george weasley smut #fred weasley fluff

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silverisbestboy · 4 years ago

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Sonic Boom x Reader

Requested by @blackace1993: Conversation was accidentally deleted but from what I remeber of it, they wanted hc for the Sonic Boom characters who has a partner who frequently gets into trouble and/or captured by Eggman. They didn't specify which character they wanted so I just did all of them minus Tails. Hope you enjoy!

Sonic:

There's no denying it

Sonic was smitten

The moment you set foot on the island Sonic was taken aback by you

To him, you were drop dead gorgeous with a great personality so I guess you could say it was love at first sight for him

This boy is a fool for you

It's actually quite funny watching him zip across the island at the slightest remark that you need something

"Man, you what? I'm feeling kind of hungry"

"Say no more!" He'll say as he zooms away and reappears seconds later with a chili dog in hand

"Uhhhh"

But, unfortunately for you, being in any sort of relationship with Sonic is not wothout complication

Eggman sees you as a new oppurtunity to best Sonic and ends up taking you hostage on a regular basis

The first time it happens, Sonic all but destroys Eggman's fortress looking for you

But after it continuously happening, it starts getting kinda old

"Greeting Sonic! I see you've come to rescue your little girlfriend"

"Yeah, yeah. Can we just we just get to the part where I clobber you?"

It gets to the point where Sonic starts teaching you how to defend yourself so you can hold your own against Eggman

Not that he doesn't mind rescuing, it's just he can't always be there to protect

With the amount of times they've had to save you, the team are already very familiar with you and consider you apart of their friend group

But as you get better is self-defence, Sonic officially announces you as part of the team and you start joining them on missions

While Sonic does tend to stick to your side more than his other teammates during battle, he's glad to have you fighting alongside them

After all, he's happy to spend as much time with you as possible, even if that means having to bash Eggman's robots to do so

Knuckles:

You're not a bad person

So what if you have anger issues

So what if you get into fights from time to time

So what if you've been in trouble with the cops before

Doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you've.... got some issues

One day you're not in the best mood and have already had a pretty shitty day, and you're just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode

So it's no wonder that when a big guy bumps into you and causes you to drop the tray of food you're holding, you go off on him

Unfortunately for you, this guy is huge, a tall red echidna with bulking arms that looks like he could punch you into next week

But you're not one to back down from a fight, you've beaten up guys twice your size before and you're not afraid to do it again

"Woah, hey, sorry about that, didn't see you there."

What, is he dense?! Who does this guy think he is barrelling into anyone he pleases just because he's big? You bet he was just gonna walk off without even helping you. Well, you'd show him!

Without warning, you lunged at the echidna with the intent of knocking him over the same way he almost did to you

But you underestimated his initial strength and reflexes and he caught you midair with your legs kicking and your hands clawing for his face

"Woah, dude chill! I said I was sorry!"

He just kinda holds you up in air at arms length with you kicking and screaming until you eventually tire yourself out

The echidna stares at you cautiously

"Are you good now?"

After a moment, you reluctantly nod, and he gently sets you back on your feet

He then carefully leans down without takong his eyes off you and grabs your burger which is still wrapped in foil and reaches it out to you

"How about we start over? I'm Knuckles."

You thought after that encounter, that was the last you'd see of him

But one day, you've gotten yourself into another fight, and to say you're losing would be an understatement

It's once again, a guy twice your size and he's absolutely beating the crap out of you

But by some miracle, Knuckles happens to be walking by and immediately notices you

He steps in to save you, and the guy you're fighting knows about Knuckles being part of Sonic's team and doesn't even bother attempting to fight him

Knuckles takes your half conscious body to Tails's work shop where they fix you up

After that, Knuckles refuses to leave you alone

Even if you try to leave, he always ends finding you to make sure you don't get into more trouble

He helps you find outlets for your anger by sparring and working out with him

You grow a soft spot for Knuckles that you'd never thought you'd have for anyone

He's your big goofball that somehow always manages to calm you down and get you out of whatever trouble your in

Though it's beyond you why anyone would want to put up with you, eespecially a lovable ray of sunshine like Knuckles, you're so grateful that you have someone like himin your life to keep you in check

A/N: Might make more hcs for that because I absolutely love the idea of big, strong goofball Knuckles having a little ball of pure rage as a partner.

Amy Rose:

Some would say you're a pacifist

Some would say you care too much

Some would say you're too nice

But you like to think that you're just trying to do good in the world

You're definitely the type of person that hates conflict and wants everyone to get along, and you're more often than not a bit of a pushover

You like to give people benefit of the doubt and prefer to see the good in people, although sometimes, this affects you negatively

A kindly looking (or at least in your opinion) wolf with a showman's top hat and a certain glint his eyes one day stops you in your tracks and asks you ever so politely if you would kindly lend him some money to help feed his family

Of course, you're quick to help, but little do you know that this is none other than T.W. Barker himself, and he's been watching you carefully for some time

He notices the way you jump at the oppurtunity to help someone in need, and he being a con man at heart, decides to take advantage of that

But before you can lend the man all the money you have in your pocket, a certain pink hedgehog decides to interfere

"Hey, you leave her alone Barker! Go find your own ATM machine!"

Amy Rose herself stands not far behind you, hammer in hand and ready for trouble

"N-now, now, let's not be too hasty. I was simply accepting a generous donation from this unsuspecting-- I mean self-less young lady."

"Yeah right. Beat it before I hammer you into next Tuesday, punk!"

You're in utter shock as the seeming wolf in sheep's clothing (pun intended) makes his escape

"Gotta look out for scumbags. Seems this village is getting more and more of them everyday. Anyways, I'm Amy, what's your name?"

Since then, Amy keeps a close eye on you to make sure you don't become prey to anymore scam artists

Now Amy will never admit she has anger issues, but she does get... irritated from time to time

On more than one occasion, you're there to help her calm down and have a sleepover planned or a spa day for when things get particularly rough for her

Whenever she needs help choosing which paint to redo her wall with, or which dress she should wear to a party, she calls you up, because no matter what you're interests are or how inconvenient the timing might seem, you're ready to help a friend, even with mundane things

Amy has you become a part of the Sonic family, and while you never do join them in battles, you help keep the peace between the team whenever there's an argument

And Amy always makes sure your overly caring attitude isn't being taken advantage of

No matter the time or the place, Amy knows she can always count on you, and you know she's always got your back

Sticks:

Well this is quite the predicament you've gotten yourself into

A lot of people would descibe you as clumsy, but you knew you just bad luck

And to prove just that, here you were dangling upside from a rope trap after deciding to take a liesure stroll through the forest

What are we, nomads? Who sets out traps in the middle of the woods anymore?!

After about 20 minutes, the blood is rushing to your head and you're starting to feel faint

But just as you think that your bad luck will finally be the end of you, figure bursts from the bushes with a fierce battle cry

It's a badger girl with a boomerang clutched in her paw, ready for a fight

But after a moment she realizes just who's gotten caught up in her trap

"Hey, what's the big idea?! Why're you in my snare?"

"Why am I in your snare? Why did you put out a snare you loon?!"

After about 5 minutes of arguing, Sticks reluctantly cuts you down, begrudgingly explaining that she set out a trap for any woodland monsters

You run into her again on another walk, crossing a small stream before tripping on one of the stepping stones and almost falling in before a furry arm wraps around your waist

"You outta be more careful out here. The wilderness is no place to be a klutz."

"Hey, I'm not a klutz. I just have bad luck is all."

And what more to gain the attention of a superstitious badger than the possibility of supernatural forces at play

"You could've been hexed by a witch. Or worse, there could be a vengeful spirit after you! We gotta get you an exorcist!"

"I'm fine, I'm just unlucky. Always have been always will be."

"We should still burn some sage in your home just to be sure."

You let Sticks do what she wants with you, after all, her superstitious perspective is a nice change from everyone just thinking your clumsy

You think her attempts to "cleanse" you are endearing, she tries something new everyday, and you end up learning a thing or two about survival and the corruptedness of politics from her

Weeks later, her attempts slowly dwindle down, and she just comes to accept she's just gonna have to keep an extra close eye on you, especially when she sets out booby traps

The time y'all have spent together, although it was somewhat motivated by Sticks not wanting to get whatever curse you exposed her to, lead to y'all having a close bond

Everyone has their quirks, she's paranoid and you're clumsy, but you two always manage to work things out

And that's the beauty of a relationship

A/N: Sorry I haven't been that active lately, so take this as an apology. Four hcs for the price of one!

#sonic headcanons #sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic x reader #sonic boom #amy rose x reader #sticks the badger x reader #knuckles the echidna x reader

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blubberingmess · 4 years ago

Text

[Crazy]

Pairings: dark!Bucky x dark!reader

Summary: they say that when a person is in love, they would do anything for the person they're in love with. They're not wrong.

Warnings: mention of death, crazy couple, implied smut.

Note: I'm still a bit hazy and tired from the medicines so excuse my writing~

You sneered, stalking closer to the unconscious woman on the couch with a wine glass filled with water in your hand and a gun in the other. Her face makes your blood boil, wanting to just aim your gun and shoot her straight in the face but then she won't feel it - that's not fun.

Why are you so angry to this poor woman? She's no poor woman, she's a slut; going around and feeling up your man! No one does that-- no one does that and make it out alive.

Getting impatient, you dump the water onto her head before smashing it on her as well. She jolts up from her slumber, sputtering curses and incoherent words, only stopping when she finally noticed you standing in front of her with a dark aura around you.

"Good evening," you greeted monotonously. She looked up at you with wide eyes and started to shake as soon as she saw the gun in your hand.

"What are you doing? Please don't hurt me."

You rolled your eyes. "Chill, I ain't gonna do anything yet. I just want to talk to you for a second and I'll be on my way."

She gulped, already feeling the blood losing from her face as tears began to fall down pathetically. Yet? So that mean you are going to kill her?

You took her silence as a sign to continue, twirling the gun in your hand. "Why'd you kiss my man?"

"Y-your man?" She was taken aback by the question, genuinely confused as she continue, "You mean Bucky?"

You blink at her. "Yes."

Guilt flashed behind her eyes as she realized her mistake. "I-I'm sorry, I thought he's s-single. Well, that's what he told me at the p-party."

You blink again, before looking down on the wooden floor. "He did didn't he?" You whispered mostly to yourself.

Of course he would, he is single. But if he wants a relationship why'd he never came for you? You two are close and are friends, he could just ask and you'll throw yourself at him without a second thought. You're so in love with him you'll do anything, isn't that obvious?

Giving the woman in front of you a once over, your frown deepened. Is it because you're not pretty enough? That thought made your little dark heart crack inside your chest, feeling yourself deflate.

"Yes, yes he did. So please, don't hurt me."

You snapped out from your self degrading thoughts and glanced at the woman who is now has her hands clasped together as she plead for mercy. No ounce of pity can be seen on your face nor feel in your heart as you stare down at her. Deciding to end your fun early for the day, you slipped the gun back to its holster and grab your coat from the small couch behind you.

"I won't kill you." A pause. "But a friend of mine will." With that you made your way to the front door, ignoring the panic look in her eyes.

"What do you mean?!"

You're sick in the head and you know it, some people might get a hint or two but you don't care as long as they shut their mouths. You'll only care if it's Bucky, if he find out about little adventures in the dark and how unstable you really are.

You'd be heartbroken if he did, surely he won't look at you the same if he did.

You've lost your sense of morality and empathy for others the moment you saw him killed that man in front of you as the winter soldier. The look in his eyes that night still sents shivers down your spine and warmth in your core. You're too far gone that no one else matters other than him, not even those poor innocent lives.

As soon as you hopped on your bike, a loud explosion and a shrilling scream emits from within the house you were in just a few moments ago.

You smirk to yourself as your bike roars to life before driving away from the quiet neighborhood, feeling proud of yourself for not getting your hands dirty this time.

▪

You walked back inside the tower with a gloomy look on your face, still can't get over the fact that Bucky can't see you like the way you saw him - someone precious.

Sometimes, you just really need to take matters into your own hands. So you've made up your mind and started to think of a plan on how to tell him your feelings, and to make him accept that he's actually in love with you all this time; show him what he really feels. And you won't take 'no' for an answer.

The tower is conveniently empty considering most of the team are on the two week long mission just after the party. It'll be great. It'll be a dream come true.

"Morning, doll. Where were you?" A familiar voice asked and immediately, the gloom look you carry morphs into a giddy grin as your heart starts to beat fast against your chest.

In the kitchen stood Bucky, a cup of tea in his hand and a sandwich in the other while he stare at you with an odd look on his face.

He's not wearing anything but a pair of sweatpants. You gulped, realizing that it's the same dark gray sweatpants you've buried your nose into two days ago, rubbing it between your thighs until you've come undone imagining it was him instead, before sneaking back inside his room to put it back inside his drawer.

You shake your head and lifted up your hand, showing him the brown paper bag with the logo of your favorite bakery shop. "Just hang out with a friend."

His eyebrows furrowed. "A friend? That Josh guy again?" Before taking a bite of his sandwich and settling the cup on the counter next to him.

You grimace at the mention of the guy's name, placing the paper bag on the counter as well. "Josh was not my friend and he died a month ago remember? Got in a car crash just after our high school reunion the same night."

You don't really care about the guy, he'd broken hearts more than he can count - which is less than thirteen from what you recalled.

Bucky nodded his head in understatement, a neutral look on his face. "I remember, the guy's a douche, he deserved much worse."

To most people it'll probably real scary to hear such things coming out from a hero's mouth, but it made you feel the opposite. It made you look at him like he hung the moon. You bit your lip to prevent the smile from showing and coughed in you fist, pointing at the tea next to him.

"Gonna drink that?" Oh god, I hope you did.

Bucky raises an eyebrow and look at the small cup, seems to be contemplating about something as he stares at it for a good few seconds before his eyes lits up. "Want me to add some honey? It'll taste better."

You shrugged your shoulders, acting nonchantly but in the inside, you're freaking fangirling. "Sure."

Sitting yourself on top of the counter, you started to quietly hum to yourself while you let your head floats somewhere else. Did anyone found the body yet? You're kind of disappointed you're not there when it happened, must be fun killing the woman yourself instead of a small bomb.

"Here you go, darling." Your heart just skips a beat right there, feeling your whole body jolt in happiness. After Bucky gave you the cup, he silently watched you took a sip, a small dark smile playing on his lips but you're too busy thinking about the weird aftertaste of the tea to notice it.

"You sure it's honey? It taste... kinda off." You started to feel yourself getting drowsy, glaring at the half filled cup in your hands. A sudden pain was felt in your chest accidentally letting the cup go. It falsl down to the tiled floor, shattering it to pieces.

"(Y/n), are you okay?" Bucky asked with no hint of concern in his voice whatsoever, the smirk evident on his lips. He just stands there, his arms crossed over his chest as he casually leaned his hips on the counter.

You looked at him with wide eyes. "Y-You--"

Bucky cuts you off with a nonchalant shrug, giving you a boyish grin. "Saw an opportunity; had to take it."

Before you could utter anything else, your eyes rolled at the back of your head as you fall onto your back on top of the counter; unconscious.

He won't deny it, you look so good sprawled on the counter like this. Bucky sigh in disappointment, only if you're conscious and willing, he would've fuck you on the counter-- or any surface really--, show you how much he loves you; how much he cares.

But he know you don't feel the same way after observing you this past week, you've been out and about every early morning and sometimes on ungodly hour at night.

"If only you feel the same way, I wouldn't have to do this."

▪

You woke up with a pained groan, your wrist are tied up to the arms of the chair. Your head is still pounding but thankfully, the chest pain had subsided. Then you remembered Bucky, the tea, heart dropping at the memory.

"You're finally awake, I was started to get worried." You heard the voice of Bucky from somewhere in the dark room, eyes flittering around to find the source of the voice, but no avail.

"Bucky? What's going on?" You asked, a bit scared but also a small bit of hope blooming in your chest.

"I did what I had to do." Bucky watched you squirm from where he sat on a small couch in front of you, eyes going up and down your body before it focuses on your eyes.

"W-What?" You stutter out.

Here goes nothing, Bucky thought to himself, sighing. "(Y/n), you're the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life. The moment I saw you after killing that old man on the rooftop as the winter soldier, I just knew I had to make you mine."

You pull your lips into a tight line as you silently listened.

"but I know you don't feel the same way so I decided to take you by force; drugged you while you're to busy thinking about some other men," he practically growls out, falling his metal fist on his lap. He heard you gasped and felt his heart clench, thinking that you're disgusted but he chose to continue, this time more possessive and controlling.

"You're mine, (Y/n), you hear me? You're fucking mine and no one else's. I don't care if you don't want me; I want you." He stands up, stalking towards your frozen body.

He huffed. "Don't try escaping or call the police, it's not use, we're far off from the nearest civilization and there's little to no signal in this area. You can't run away from me, doll. I will follow you wherever you will go. I will find you and I will never ever let you go."

Tears started to roll down your face, looking up at him with a small pout on your lips and your face flushed. "Really?"

With a cute face like that-- "Yes. There's no escaping me, doll."

"I'm so happy," you sob. Your heart is bursting at the seams at his declaration, wanting to just get pull from the restraints and hug him tightly.

Bucky took a double take, stopping in his tracks. Truth to be told, he expected you to scream bloody murder - feel afraid, although he doesn't like that one bit, it's the most... appropriate thing to feel at this moment even for him.

"What?" He clap his hands together two times and the lights suddenly turns on, blinding you for a second before resume on crying in happiness.

"I-- you were -- Bucky!" You started to hiccup, blubbering out incoherent words.

Bucky started to panic, running over towards you and gently cupping your cheeks with his large palms. "Hey-hey, baby, shh. I'm here, don't cry. What's wrong?"

Worry flashing in his eyes as he tugs on the restraints, it's not even that tight in the first place but he can't just untie you. You could attack him any moment, he needs to know if he could trust you first - but oh how he aches to tear the ropes away and cuddle you close until you calm down.

You started to calm down, leaning in to his touch. "Y-You love me?" You asked, sounding so hopeful and soft.

He cooed, wiping a stray tear from your cheek. "Oh honey, of course I do. I wouldn't do all this if I don't."

It's true, he wouldn't have bought a house in the middle of a forest if he didn't love you and want you all by himself. He wouldn't have killed Josh and the two others if he didn't. He wouldn't have been thinking about you 24/7, planning -- daydreaming-- on showing you how much you meant to him. He wouldn't have put the chip in your arm to know where you are and what are you doing. It's all for love.

"I love you too."

Wait-- "What?" He asked, dumbfounded before burrowing his eyebrows. He knows how you're good at acting, he saw how you manipulated the enemy agents that one mission, for all he know you're doing it to him right now. "I don't like being lied to, (Y/n)."

You widen your eyes. "I'm not lying, Bucky. I have been for years now."

He growls, not liking the way he just wants to give in and pull you closer against him this instance. "What about those men? You going out in the middle of the night or waking up at ungodly hour just to "buy some snacks"."

Bucky felt his blood started to boil. How dare try this shit to him?

You shyly look to the side. "There's no other men... I went to--" you trailed off with a quiet voice that even the super soldier in front of you can't hear.

"Speak up, (Y/n)," he orders, gently yet firmly tilting your chin up to look at him in the eyes.

You sighed. "I hate it when you flirt back with other women."

"What does it have to do with you going out in the middle of the night?"

"I'm... a murderer, Bucky. I know it's bad and the world sees me as a hero but I can't help it, they're taking you away from me," you hissed out. "So I killed them all before they could even attempt a second chance, because you are meant for me, Bucky."

Bucky's breath hitched at the venom in your voice as you admit on killing the women that tries to flirt with him, all of it just because you're jealous - and startlingly, he loves every second of it.

"I was about to do the same. I was planning on taking you away while you're sleeping but you beat me to it." You chuckled, tears already dried up as you gestured towards your bound wrists.

His eyes flickered to your wrist then back up to your eyes. "Why?" He still asked despite knowing what the answer is, he just wants to hear it coming from your kissable lips that he loves so much; wanting to know the taste of.

You gave him a genuine smile. "Because I love you and if I can't have you, no one can."

Bucky swings his eyes between yours, searching for any signs of deception and trickery but all he found was sincerity and love. You're looking at him like he's the only person in the whole world, and it's making him melt at the spot. Never once had someone look at him like that and he doubt he don't look the same.

"I love you too," Bucky breathes out before smashing his lips against yours. You moaned and was about to lift up your hands to tug on his hair but was stopped by the ropes, preventing you from doing so.

"Bucky?"

"Yes, baby?" He murmurs, pressing heated kisses on your jaw and down to your neck. You mewled when he softly bit that soft spot on your neck, craning your head to the side to give him more access.

"The ropes, please. I want to touch you."

You let out a small whine when he stops, leaning back to look down on the ropes before smirking, shaking his head from side to side. An side suddenly popped in his mind.

"Not yet, baby girl."

He stands up straight with his hands propped on his hips, his crotch at your eye level. You could see the prominent bulge in his pants and can't help but lick your lips. The action didn't go unnoticed by the former winter soldier making his smirk broadens.

"Can you be a good girl for me, (Y/n)?"

You peered up at him through your lashes and said in the most sultry of voices, pulling a groan from Bucky's lips.

"Yes, Daddy."

Yup, I need to rest.

*more to come*

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #dark!bucky barnes x reader #dark!bucky barnes x dark!reader #bucky #bucky x reader #dark!bucky x dark!reader #dark!bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes #avengers x reader #bucky x reader smut #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff

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lizacstuff · 4 years ago

Note

Liza that 3rd fragman 👀 "if I was born a 100 times I'd fall in love with you everytime" Eda saying this is their last obstacle and nothing can separate them, serkan's "I'll be right back, close your eyes I'm here" If this isn't all a red flag for shits about to hit the fan then I don't know what is LOL (but also how cute to Edser look and them telling each other they love each other very much 😭😭😭)

That fragman is both the SWEETEST and the MOST OMINOUS thing I’ve ever seen. ALL AT ONCE.

Friends... we’re gonna go through some things. That being said, everything is going to be great. These writers have been solid so far, and I have faith they have come up with something really interesting to increase the longevity of this show. And I don’t know about you, but I’m prepared to go through some things if it means keeping Eda and Serkan for longer. (I heart them)

This show is about Eda and Serkan and their love story, at it’s core it’s a comedy, it will all lead to happy things, but... yeah, buckle up!

I have a lot of asks both about the fragman and last ep, so I’m going to answer a bunch under the cut.

Anonymous said: The fandom theories about episode 28 have gotten so wild that I literally think the most shocking thing would be if they actually got married and were not separated (emotionally or physically). What if the earlier painful episodes were to make us believe that things couldn't possibly go right in 28 and it's a reverse psychology trick?

You could be right! I like your thinking. I checked on twitter and I had to back away slowly. The juvenile temper tantrums were too much for me today.

Look, I think it’s clear something big is coming. It has to, there has to be something that shakes up the show. Some of the theories are more upsetting and catastrophic than others, but the writers won’t do anything that dings either character or their love for one another. Whatever happens will showcase the connection between these two and the chemistry between the actors, that’s the point of everything, and anything that does those things is gonna be a-okay with me.

@jan31 Hi Liza. Do you think we are going to see the wedding in 28 or they will leave it on a cliffhanger for next week. Lots of theories going round mainly cos of Neslihan saying new dimensions coming in episode 29, which could just mean married life etc. I have seen suggestions of memory loss, it's all a dream since episode one. I would personally love Eda to wake up like in episode one but for it to be a total turn around and she is the boss and Serkan the employee. Eda being robot yildiz appeals to me!!! I know it will never happen but leave me here with my dreams!!

I started the day at 90% sure they’ll be married in 28/29, but now I’m down to like 30% that they’ll get married in these episodes. I really, really want them to get married before whatever happens happens, because every scenario I can think of for this reset or starting again, seems like it would be better if they were married.

However, the shooting spoilers from today, make me question that. Namely the videos where Hande appears to still be wearing the ring on her right hand. We shall see, that could be for many reasons.

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t hate a memory loss storyline. Seeing one of them (and Serkan’s line in the trailer makes it seem like it might be him) lose their memory and have to fall in love all over again? There are worse fates for a shipper than getting to experience that all again but in a different way.

Anonymous said: Your response to the fandom drama anon was so good, it's exactly how I feel. While I don't know what the old posts that were like are (that's shady as fuck) I did see all the other drama go down and wow. The actresses def need to stay in their lane and some of the fans, hoooo boy, it's obvious they're young based off their reactions alone. Had to unfollow some people once I realized what they were like. Also some of the IRL shipping reminded me of col*fer stuff, reading into everything and blowing it out of proportion (which then gets picked up by paps....). But you're right in that at least the show related drama is tame compared to OUAT. But still, people being too careless even while they know the paps see everything and harass Kerem and hande (omg did you see the video of hande the other day stopped in the van and she looked so overwhelmed 😔)

You’re referencing this post here about yesterday’s drama.

Today Neslihan made it worse by addressing everything and claiming she didn’t like all those Hande-bashing posts because... wait for it... she was HACKED. Oy. Hackers got in and went back two years to like gross posts about Hande? Sure, Jan. While I don’t believe that for a second, I guess that at least gives her cover with Hande so they can all pretend it’s true and move on so it’s not awkward on set. But, yikes, she needs to consult a publicist, she took a narrative that was circulating in certain circles in fandom and made sure all her followers were aware. Not very savvy.

As for the paps coming after Hande, yes I did see her in the car, she did look overwhelmed. Back off vultures!!! That’s why I think Kerem sometimes throws himself to the wolves so that doesn’t happen. She always handles them like a pro, but you can tell she’d rather be anywhere else on earth than talking to them.

The pap stuff is worse than I’ve seen before, they’re like vultures circling for any conjecture (sometimes made up out of thin air) they can turn into a question and blame fans. OUAT actors dealt with nothing like this. Also I can’t believe they never ask about the show. Like after last week? They could legit ask about the sex scene which probably would have given them some angle on the actors that they wanted, (especially since it was too hot for Turkish TV) but they let that pass them by, and instead asked the same questions about being together that they never answer. Dumbasses. They are not only awful people, they are awful at their jobs.

In Van, the paps pay off crew members for info, they always know more than fans. Also I don’t remember stars of my shows getting this level of tabloid attention before. Except for on Riverdale, Lili and Cole generated that level of interest, and while I didn’t pay terribly close attention to them, I feel like they rarely talked to the paps, were just photographed. Also I don’t suspected the CW of calling the paps on them, but I suspect either the network or production company of sometimes calling them on Hande and Kerem.

Anonymous said: Do you think it’s weird that they didn’t touch the kidnapping at all in either trailer? They might not have filmed it in time for the 1st one but certainly the 2nd. And I’m definitely not complaining about the ones we got because its like a fairytale but the kidnapping was the cliffhanger...? 🧐 I think they should’ve just left the princes storyline at “he went back to his country” but then they didn’t so......

If they’d left his story at just going back to his country, then the Prince really wouldn’t have served his purpose. He was brought on to cause some sort of trouble, so they probably need him to cause the trouble before he goes, lets hope it ends with this kidnapping!

And to answer your question, yes, I do think it’s weird that neither trailer touched on it. On any other show I’d think it was a huge red flag, but on this show maybe not as much because a) there’s obviously a lot of romance in this episode, it’s not crazy that they are focusing on that to draw people in with the promos b) this show likes to do cliffhangers that end up being no big deal, that happens a lot.

Who knows it could turn out to be a big deal that shapes the rest of the episode in some unexpected way (Eda’s captured the whole episode and she’s dreaming about wedding prep, or... who knows) but I think it’s more likely that they resolve in the first 5-10 minutes and then move on. Since we know from the summary (not that I trust those) that Serkan goes on the bachelor weekend, it feels like the Prince is taken care of prior to that. I don’t think he’d leave her alone for a second if there was a chance the Prince was still a threat. Perhaps Babaanne is pissed he tried to kidnap Eda and tells them she’ll handle it herself???

Anonymous said: Semiha not being in the promo is highkey suspicious. The actress is promoting the episode lol. She's about to Evil Queen this wedding ceremony but you know what, I'm fine with whatever she has planned if they end up married at the end of the day. What's funny is that since a lot of fans these days will assume that there will be shocking negative plot twists, not actually having one here would be a plot twist so I hope the writers keep them together for whatever's next haha

You’re not wrong, at this point, having this wedding take place would be a shocking twist for all of us! As for Semiha... hmmm... it will be interesting to see what her reaction is to Eda being kidnapped by her pick of suitor. Serkan Bolat might be the son of the man indirectly responsible for her parents death, but he would never hurt her. Take note, Grandbag!

Anonymous said: Do you mind sharing your speculative scenarios?

After the trailer today, I don’t know if I can even remember some of them.

Memory loss

Grandma forces Serkan to choose between Eda and his company/wealth, he chooses Eda and they start over from scratch with nothing

Time jump

AU starting over, showing a different path they might have taken together

Dream

These actors playing different characters in a new story

I don’t think the last three are likely, but they did spring to mind after some of Neslihan’s teases.

Anonymous said: So this show doesn't get like fantastic ratings (it actually seems to be on the lower end compared to all other dizis airing) but the social media engagement is off the charts. Why is that?!? Is the show just extraordinarily popular internationally? or that this is a "shipping" show? I'm floored by the numbers - its like no other show/fandom is even trying

The ratings were terrific during the summer. But to your point, it has a huge fandom both in Turkey and internationally, but it’s worth noting that most of those charts you see where it beats every other show in every imaginable social metric is just for Turkey.

It’s one of those lightning in a bottle situations where you get the right property and the right actors together at the right time and magic happens. And, for sure, the number one reason is the shipping. Shipping drives fandom engagement, and a fantastic ship with a juicy, fun, tropey love story is what this show offers. It also offers up two extremely attractive, talented, likeable leads with off-the-charts chemistry (plus the added speculation about an off-camera relationship that has intrigued more than a few fans, tabloids and gossip sites and fueled interest) who have done a good job of building the fanbase through their social media engagement. Plus the timing is part of it as well. I don’t know about you, but this show hit the spot during this pandemic and the horror of 2020. We all needed this escape.

Anonymous said:Do you think something happened in the writers room after the backlash of 25 and fan disappointment after Ayse's announcement? I feel like a switch flipped and now we're in fanficland with how much good content we've gotten in these last two episodes. Like I thought maybe they should wrap up the series soon before the characters got completely off the tracks but they may be finding their groove now and I'm interested to see what their next twist is after they can write out Balca/Seymen.

I don’t know about a switch flip, this show has been fanfic land since the first episode! The tropes! That is how I described it to multiple people when I first started watching: an AU fanfic come to life.

As for the writing changes, no, I don’t think backlash after 25 affected 26 or 27, because 26 was already 90% shot, and 27 already written. However, I assume they themselves could tell that 25 got just too dark and had strayed pretty far from the DNA of the series. While I didn’t think it was bad, it was not fun to watch and this show ought to be fun to watch.

Let’s hope, however, that the backlash affects future episodes in that they know what works... and what doesn’t. The last two episodes definitely felt reminiscent of the first batch of episodes. Light, funny, romantic. If they can keep that tone... I’ll be thrilled.

Anonymous said: i didn't realize how much i missed "together" edser until watching 27.. it's been so long since they were "officially" together and we also had such few episodes of it.. ppl have been comparing it to 12 and while in some ways i agree, edser are always so different here than they were there. 12 was them navigating their new relationship.. they were more shy and finding their footing.. here they are very much established, as they should be after knowing their love for so long in comparison to 12!

Yes, it was lovely. You know I’ve preached a lot about how even though Eda and Serkan were broken up, they’ve still been together all this time. And it’s true, but there is something about them truly being together that is magical. We never got enough of that the first time around (a writing mistake in my opinion) and they’re so good together it’s lovely to watch.

Anonymous said: Serkan not asking for help from Balca when asking his team for help with the marriage gifts preparations and refusing her offer of help when she asked made me so happy. Good job Serkan! He's learning! She's not trustworthy!

Yes, that was a good moment. And he was eyeing her very warily when she offered. The thing I don’t understand is how has no one caught on that she’s working with Babaanne? That entire office is filled with nosy people, has no one remarked on the number of times Balca has gone up to the office or they’ve disappeared for lunch at the same time? Come on Leyla! Come on Melo! Notice these things!

Anonymous said: Fingers crossed that we finally make progress towards getting rid of Seiman & Balca now that all the girls were drugged and Eda was put in the car in the last episode. Unless Seiman has a change of heart and takes Eda back inside before anyone wakes & the guys get there then the show has to address it. Although I do not think Balca is going to back down unless Serkan straight up tells her he has zero interest in her and never will. Totally fine if that happens in the next episode.

Will Balca backdown even if she’s humiliated like that? She’s so delusional I’m not sure. What I am sure is that she’s dangerous. This came in before we saw the other two fragmans that have no mention of the kidnapping. Hard to picture how that is so easily resolved. Unless she frees herself (which seems unlikely in her groggy state) or maybe Melo’s future boyfriend is able to stop it before they get far? Or I don’t know. I just know that I want to see Serkan lose his mind and all the other characters see Serkan lose his mind and then I want it to be over. LOL.

Anonymous said: As much as I am loving everything Edser, I cannot wait for Seiman, Balca and Grandma to be gone. And I am even more annoyed to think that the show might try to redeem all 3 characters. All 3 of them are truly awful people and no need to waste air time trying to make the audience think any different. Just my opinion...🤷🏻‍♀️. Show please finally expose those 3 for the psychos they are and get rid of them.

Bye bitches! I don’t think there’s any redemption for Balca and Seiman. They both have poisoned/dosed people, hard to come back from that. And there is no need to redeem them because neither is compelling enough to be a long-term character. But maybe Granny, we probably will see a redemption arc for her.

Anonymous said: i know you were worried a few weeks ago that with ayse leaving as writer, we probably wouldn't have the same sort of comedy as previous episodes... but istg the whole kiz isteme scene, especially with chef alex, had me almost crying with laughter. especially when serkan off the cuff just goes "well if that's an option..." to everyone misunderstanding alex "wanting" ayfer for 2 nights and then eda ready to beat him with the flowers he bought her... comedic gold lmao.

SO GOOD! I was thrilled to see that sort of comedy, the sort of comedy we’d come to expect, from these writers. I think it bodes very well indeed!

That scene was amazing. I know Neslihan said that much of it was improvised. Probably that line from Serkan (since Serkan is SO out-of-his-mind in love I’m not sure he could even joke about having Eda only two nights a week! LOL) was improv from Kerem, and Aydan asking about the other nights, and Seyfi bringing up the weekend. And Eda’s very Hande-esque “Ser-KAN.”

I just love rewatching that scene and checking out everyone who is breaking character and just losing it. Cagri most of all. He’s blurred aback there but you can see Ferit spends the whole time laughing or trying to stifle a laugh. Reminds me of Cagri in the scene in 18 when they’re watching the security footage he was losing it in that scene as well.

Anonymous said: i'm scared - I think they are really about to give us all of these happy EdSer scenes only to have something happen RIGHT before the wedding ceremony due to Babaanne. Based on the last episode, I don't think there's any chance of a breakup (knock on wood) but what if Serkan gets arrested, goes to jail for 2 years, and we get a time jump?

This was sent before the last two teasers, so yes I think something is gonna happen. We shall see! I don’t really think Serkan going to jail for 2 years is in the cards, at least I hope not! Besides if Babaanne did that she would have no hopes of ever reconciling with Eda, so that seems unlikely she’d follow through and leave him there for so long a time.

Anonymous said: With the last week's sex scene, they did a lot of fade outs but the scene was basically still there so it wasn't much wasted effort for the actors. But for what they're teasing in episode 28 - idk how they can get away with showing them in the shower at all if Serkan lifting Eda with her clothes on had required blurring? Is Eda dropping her robe even pushing it? It's intriguing indeed.

Great questions. We’re 36 hours from finding out (well I'm longer than that because I wait for the English subs, hee hee) All I know is I want to see these scenes.. one way or another!

#sen cal kapimi #edser #Sen Çal Kapımı #sck spoilers #sck specualtion #sckask #sck episode discussion #asklizac #Anonymous

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lailarain · 4 years ago

Text

Spoilers for TBHK

TW: Mentions of s3xu@l åss@ult/@buse, $uicidə and bl00d

Episode 9(continued):

"Is Amane good at S M O O C H I N G"

"He isn't my type" "you sure about that?" this is literally the only time Tsukasa has been right I swear

NO DON'T LET THEM TRICK YOU

WOAH WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS EYES

HEY NO LET HER GO

THEY LEFT HIM THERE TOO LMAOOOO

NO NENE NOOOOOO

Also, on an unrelated note, does Nene have the same VA as Chiaki from Danganronpa, cause they sound really alike

WAIT IS SHE OKAY

SHE'S OKAY YEAH BABY

OKAY WHERE TF IS HANAKO

WAIT IT'S HANAKO

HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT

This Natsuhiko is not that bright

THAT ISN'T WHAT LOVE IS YA STUPID

OH MY GOD HE'S DEAD

Holdup this isn't her home🤨

OHMYGODITSHANAKO

WHO HURT MY BABY BOY

Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

HE'S BLUSHING

Wait so she still has the keys? What are they even for?

YES NENE PROTECT YOUR MAN😤

Episode 10:

Okay I'm starting to doubt my $exu@| @$$ault theory a lot, but I know that Tsukasa DEFINITELY hurt my precious Hanako somehow and I don't plan on forgiving him for it

Interesting🤔

ARM WRESTLING I'M DYING😭😭😭😭😭

I LOVE THEIR TRIO ISTG

IT WAS MITSUBA WHAT

THERE'S A MOUTH ON THE HAND WHAT THE HECK

NENE NOOOOO

WAIT IS THAT MITSUBA OH MY GOD IT'S MITSUBA ISN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

MITSUBA WHAT THE F

OKAY WHAT'S GOING ON

I gotta admit, Mitsuba is pretty cute

OKAY WOAH "MASTER"?!?!?😳😳😳

WAIT AOI?!?!?

OKAY NO THAT'S NOT AOI

LEAVE NENE ALONE

Kou💀

WAIT WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER HIS LIFE

OH SHOOT I THINK MITSUBA JUST REALIZED

CAN PEOPLE LEAVE NENE ALONE ABOUT HE LEGS NOTHING IS WRONG WITH HER SHE IS LITERALLY GORGEOUS

The mirror dude is just roasting Mitsuba and Nene💀

NOT NENE

YES MITSUBA

NO MITSUBA

NO NO NO NO NOT NENE NOT MITSUBA

WAIT WHAT

NO THAT'S NOT HANAKO

TSUKASA STOP IT

YOU LITERALLY HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR FACE AND HANDS AND ARE CHILL ABOUT IT

TSUKASA STOP IT YOU MANIPULATOR

Episode 11:

SECOND TO LAST EPISODE OF SEASON BABY LET'S GO

I'm still wondering what Tsukasa did specifically to push Hanako to murder him(other than being a terrible person. I normally LIKE psychotic characters, but this guy is just manipulative)

YEAH DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF NENE

DID HE JUST RIP OUT HIS HEART

OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID HE SAYYYYY

Awwww Hanako🥺

I love Hanako I swear😭😭

WOAH IT'S SO PRETTY

WAIT SHE'S HUMAN AGAIN

Awwww Fox Girl🥺

THAT'S SO SWEET AWWWWW

wait why did Hanako stroke his face post-it thingy just now

TSUKASA LEAVE HIM ALONE

STOP BEING SO MANIPULATIVE

WAIT WHAT DID HE JUST DO TO NENE

OH KOU ISN'T GONNA TAKE THIS WELL

POOR MITSUBA

SOMEONE GIVE MITSUBA A HUG

THIS IS SO CONFUSING I CAN BARELY TELL THESE TWO APART ISTG

TSUKASA YOU FU€KƏR

NO MITSUBA

TSUKASA YOU SUCK

Hanako just standing there like 👁👄👁

DID TSUKASA JUST PUNCH HIM

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT HE LITERALLY KNOWS ALL OF THEM

OKAY WOAH CHILL MITSUBA😳

OH NO POOR KOU

TSUKASA DOESN'T WANT HIM TO REMEMBER I BET

NENE ARE YOU OKAY

POOR MITSUBA

NO MITSUBA DON'T DO THIS

Awww Nene is sad🥺

WAIT THAT WAS THE WHOLE EPISODE?!?!?

Okay I'm gonna save the season finale for I tomorrow because it's getting late where I am

Episode 12:

Okay I know i said I'd watch it the next day and it's been more than a week since then but I swear I wasn't procrastinating

OKAY SEASON FINALE BABY LET'S GO

Okay so I think I still kinda believe in my s3xu@l @$$ault theory because I have been thinking abiut Korekiyo from Danganronpa's backstory and HE was gr00m3d by his sister(I think. I haven't actually gotten to that part of the game yet. I only heard this from tiktok), so it's still possible, but I'm not sure anymore.

WAIT SHE HAS A HAMSTER THAT'S SO CUTE

I'm still salty about Tsukasa manipulating Mitsuba🙄

I still feel really bad for Kou🥺

KOU🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Princess?🤨

Hanako istg why are you so LIT

She's worried for Kou😭

HANAKO THAT'S A LIL SUS

Awww hanako is so cute🥺🥺🥺

HANAKO WHY YOU GOTTA DO HER HAIR LIKE THAT😭😭😭😭😭

Yeah Hanako you gotta open up too😤

IT'S A FUCKIN PUFFERFISH WHAT THE FUCK

Nene lmao💀

Why does he keep calling her "Your Highness"

THIS FISH FUCK IS NTO GONNA TAKE NENE AWAY FROM HANAKO NO WAY NO HOW

A princess? Sounds like bullshit to me🤨

HE WAS CRYING AND HURT YOU FISHY IDIOT HE DIDNT ATTACK HER

NOPE DON'T YOU DARE NENE😤😤😤

This is totally the fish trying to trick her

Aoi got herself a deticated guy😳

BUT NENE DESERVES TO KNOW HANAKO'S PAST

WAIT HANAKO WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME?!?!??!

He really has to tell her his past, otherwise he's gonna lose Nene before he knows it and I DON'T THINK I CAN LIVE WITH THAT

YES NENE SHE TURNED IT DOWN MY GIRL

OH SHIT NO NENE

LET HER GO

BUT HANAKO IS IN LOVE WITH HER

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP MAKING FUN OF HER LEGS ISTG

NO NENE DON'T

YES HANAKO TO THE RESCUE

HANAKO YES HOLY SHIT HE'S CARRYING HER

Awwww Nene no you mean everything to Hanako🥺

AWWW HANAKO🥺🥺🥺

THEY ARE SO CUTE AHHHHWHY DID YOU KILL YOUR BROTHER THOUGH

AJNDGEKBDJRBREJSBDUD SO CUTE

TSUKASA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BLACK STUFF I'M SCARED

AW KOU🥺

WAIT IS TERU NOT A PIECE OF SHIT ANYMORE

AWWWWW YES HANAKO AND NENE ARE SO CUTE EEEEEEEEEE

WAIT THAT'S IT?!?!?!?!

Okay so I googled it and apparently Season 2 hasn't been confirmed but there is plenty of material from the manga available to make a sequel. If anyone has any other information, I would LOVE for someone to reply to this with that info.

REVIEW TIME!

Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun is an anime about a ghost named Hanako-Kun, who haunts the school bathroom, being summoned by Nene Yashiro, a girl who dreams of having a boyfriend to love her for who she is. Despite how weird and crackhead-sounding the title and storyline are, the show has an amazing plot and incredible characters. Definitely high up on my list of animes I love. Overall, I have to rate Season 1 a definite 8/10. The show is awesome, but I despise the fact that all the characters keep making fun of Nene's legs as if a woman is supposed to have every single feature of her body be perfect. I feel like it would've made more sense if you had people make fun of her boobs or something rather than her ankles because for her boobs to be kinda underdeveloped in high school would be a definite target for bullying rather than a feature as random as her ankles. I am definitely a Hananene shipper, and possibly a Mitsukou shipper. I still wanna know WHY Hanako killed Tsukasa, and if my s3xu@l @$$ault theory was right or not. I can't wait for Season 2 to come out, and I hope they continue to have the show be the masterpiece it is.

Thank you all for being so patient with me finishing the first season, and thanks for reading my thoughts! Bye!

UPDATE: I've been told that the manga confirmed that the s3xual @ssault theory was wrong so yeah

Also, I've started collecting the manga(i currently have 1-3 and 5, with 4 and 6 arriving next month)because I'm sick of waiting for Season 2 so when Season 2 comes around just know that I might know everything that happens by then

#tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun

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ma-gic-gay · 4 years ago

Note

Just as Michael's about to answer their question, Jason's phone goes off. "Perfect timing," he mutters before going outside to take the call. "Jason Morgan."

"Mr. Morgan, it appears Mr. Renault is at the office demanding to speak with you. What should I do?" One of his employees informs him.

"Cyrus has my number. If he would like to schedule a meeting, tell him he can call me and we'll have one."

"I've already told him that and he won't agree to it."

Dammit. Peace in this town is fragile enough; the last thing they need is an angry Cyrus. He's been unstable as of late, not agreeing to this could lead to a gunfight. Well, that's actually to be expected. "We'll meet at the office in twenty minutes then. Tell him to call off his men, including Brando. Look around the perimeter and have the rest of the guards check to make sure that there's no one on the premises or within range of hitting someone."

"Yes sir," the employee agrees, hanging up the phone.

"Business stuff?" Willow asks cautiously. After all, this is the first time she's been in this situation.

"Yeah," Michael answers, sensing from the businesslike stance he's taken in their kitchen. "Let's go check on the kids."

They leave the room and instantly Carly asks, "What did he do?"

"Demanded we meet. I don't know why or what this is about, so please tell me you didn't do anything stupid that could cost the truce to be undone."

"I haven't done anything. I've considered it, but I haven't done anything yet," she tells him. "How long til the meeting?"

"I've gotta get going. You have to stay here, this doesn't concern you. Cyrus is looking for a fight and you'll give him one. He's looking for any reason to violate the truce and take me out," Jason informs her. "I mean it. No showing up."

"Is it a solo meeting?"

"Yes."

"You want me to sit here and list out the times he's tried to kill you this past year and a half? Jason, you can't got to a meeting alone. You'll get killed!" Carly exclaims.

"No I won't, Carly. I've got it handled, I told you," he says, glancing at his watch.

"Yes you will! You need to stop agreeing to these one on one meetings because one of these days he's going to get you killed and I won't be able to survive that!"

"I told you, I'm not getting killed!"

"Can you predict the future? No, you can't! I know you might want to go and have this meeting but you can't do it alone!"

"I'm going to the meeting, Carly. You are going to stay here with your kids, grandkids, and Willow," he says, voice unbudging. She's not going to win.

"Promise me you'll come back."

"Carly-"

"Promise me, Jason, or you're not going!"

"I promise."

"Fine, you can go," she surrenders, hugging him. "But be safe."

"As safe as I can be, meeting with him," he agrees.

"Alright, well you better go now or you're not going to be able to say goodbye to the kids."

He bids them all goodbye, hugs Carly again, and leaves for the meeting. His gun is on him, as is his cell phone. Though the usefulness of a cell phone is to be questioned when it's a mob meeting he's having. Not like he can exactly call the police if anything happens, they'd arrest him.

Arriving at the office, he senses that today's going to be a long day.

"Hey Harry, is it clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright, thanks," he says before walking into the office. "Cyrus. What's so urgent?"

"Well, Sonny's been gone a year now. I was hoping we could revisit us joining together for a way to continue the peace in this town," Cyrus answers.

"Like I told you the day you found out he was missing, that isn't happening. You're not going to run your product through this town and ruin it. This was Sonny's territory and if he's not dead and comes back, it'll be his again. We both agreed no drugs. It's not happening. Is that all?" Jason asks, bored.

"No, actually. I was wondering how Mrs. Corinthos is holding up. Given that this is the anniversary of losing her husband, I'd presume not well."

"None of your damn business."

"No need to get so defensive, I'm merely posing a question. Trying to make conversation."

"If you don't have anything related to business to discuss, my men will escort you out."

"Oh, but I doubt you will," Cyrus says, laughing evilly. "You'll be too dead to even have the chance to get me out of this room." He takes his gun from his pocket rather dramatically for Jason's taste and aims for him.

Drawing his gun himself, the now mob boss ducks, narrowly missing the bullet before firing his own, missing the other mobster by only a few inches. That was on purpose; a warning shot of sorts. "It never occurred to me," the ponytail clad man continues unaffected, "that you'd be so easy to take out. I mean, really. Your reputation is that you're businesslike and directly to the point, but then you've agreed to several meetings with me alone. I was planning on having some fairly difficult plans to kill you, but you've simply fallen into my lap. I do suppose I feel a bit bad, however, that Mrs. Corinthos will have to deal with you being dead as well."

There's a line you just don't cross in business, and that's been crossed. He remembers his promise to not die and snaps into action. "Fire that gun again and I hit you right between the eyes," Jason warns, setting himself up for his shot.

"I sense I've hit a nerve," Cyrus smiles, "mentioning her like that. Tell me, Mr. Morgan, has it ever occurred to you that you're the reason she even knows about this business? With you gone, I suppose she'll be taking it over. Though I don't doubt her, I do doubt her ability to properly run this business. It's doubtful that she'll even make it a few weeks before she's ki-"

Another warning shot goes from Jason's gun, this one only barely above his head. "Last warning, Cyrus. This isn't a game. She's barely involved in this business and you have no right to bring her up when this fight is between us. So drop the gun and get on the ground."

Chuckling as though he doesn't even really believe that he's about to be taken out, Cyrus stupidly continues, "I'll probably send one of my men to kill her, you know. Try to make it painless out of respect for her."

"Talking about me?" Carly asks, walking in with armed guards. She's got the worst timing.

"Yes I was, Mrs. Corinthos. How are you?"

"I'd be better if you were in a casket six feet under," she answers calmly. "Now, put your gun down before I kill you with my bare hands."

Where the fuck did she learn how to do that? He didn't teach her, neither did Sonny. Who did? Not the point, Carly isn't supposed to be here. She's now got the chance to be shot. That would kill him faster than the bullet wound he feels he could get.

"You heard her," Jason says. "Gun down, on the ground."

Turns out that's what needed to be done. The guards with guns pointed at his head doesn't hurt either, he's sure, but Cyrus finally gets on the ground and drops his gun.

"Good. Get Mrs. Corinthos out of here, now," he orders, to her complaints. "Carly, just go."

"I, personally, have nothing against her being here," Cyrus voices.

"You have no say." When Carly leaves, Jason calmly continues, "You mention her name again in front of me and I'll kill you. Talk about your plan to take me out again and you'll be dead. Nothing is changing. This is your last warning. Next time you try to kill me or someone I care about, you'll be dead quicker than you can even move from the scene. Get out."

Angrily, the ponytail clad man leaves, escorted by the guards. Jason then makes sure everyone knows to make sure there's no evidence of what happened, and that there's especially none Carly was ever there before he joins her in her car.

It's a quiet ride, with him firing off orders for his men and her pouting.

"I was right! He wanted you dead! You fell right into his trap!" She exclaimed when they walked into the living room of her house.

"No I didn't! Carly, I had it all under control!"

"Gun pointed at you, Jason! I walked in and there was a gun pointed at you!"

"I had mine pointed at him too! You can't walk into a gunfight!"

"Oh, but you can start one? You can get shot, I can't? Is that how this works?"

"The only reason you'd be shot in general is because of me, Carly! I introduced you to the business, I'm the reason you and Sonny got together, and I'm the reason you're still apart of it. I can deal with getting myself shot, I've survived other bullets before, but I can't deal with you getting shot!"

"I didn't!"

"Yeah, because I kicked you out of there!"

"I brought the guards, I was safe!"

"You walked into a gunfight when I told you it was the stupid thing to do! I told you not to go but you couldn't help yourself, could you, and you went to the meeting."

"You want me to tell you I was wrong and apologize? I'm not gonna do that! You could've been killed! God knows what Sonny's livelihood status is, but yours is alive. Alive, Jason! I'm not risking you dying, alright?"

"I've survived bullets before, I'd survive this one!"

"How do you know that? I need you to stay alive, so I don't care what your feelings are on the subject and I'm not apologizing! If I had to do it again and it was the only option, I'd go unarmed and alone. I would've been shot if it meant saving you from that! Cyrus wants you dead!"

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you died because of me! Your kids need their mother! Cyrus wants you dead too and I'll be damned if I let it happen."

"So what, Jason, you'll do the noble thing and die instead of me? That'll kill me. I couldn't breathe when we thought you were dead last time. Imagine how I'd be if I knew I was the one who caused it!"

"You're not dying!" He shouts back, but there's no edge to his tone anymore. He's less pissed. "Not when it's preventable. You're not getting shot either Carly. If I cause your death, I'll hate myself."

"And you think I won't hate myself if I cause yours?"

To be continued after midnight bc I have thing to add to my blog

eeee

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lancetuckershairgel · 5 years ago

Text

Summmary: Chris uncovers some unsettling truths about Lucy's home life. Lucy becomes angry with Chris.

Word Count: 1,560

Warnings: language, mentions of abuse of a minor

Tag List: @southernbell91 @marvelgirl7 @anxiousamandapanda @book-dragon-13 @jobean12-blog @loricameback @spacemansam @randomfandompenguin @louisianaspell (If you wish to be added or removed in the tag list for this, let me know)

"Leave me alone!" Lucy yelled as she jerked away from Miss Alexander's reach. "God, can you people not be prison wardens for like five minutes?! Fuck"

"Lucy!"

The teenager ignored her superior and stir.ed to her class, taking her seat. The Language Arts teacher raised her eyebrows but continued with the lesson, choosing not to fight the battle today. It was Monday and everyone hated Monday's. Especially Chris who was now making his way toward the classroom. He entered, apologizing to the teacher for interrupting, and asked Lucy to join him in the hallway. Lucy ignored him, hoping he'd just leave and glared from underneath her hair covered face as he approached desk.

"I'm not asking this time. Get up."

Again, the girl didn't reply. Chris sighed, hating what was to come next. All part of the job, but the riskiest part. Chris stood behind her desk and reached his arms under hers, pulling her up from her desk. She didn't fight him, instead she became dead weight, forcing him to drag her out into the hallway. Waiting for them was the principal, the vice principal, and the school counselor.

"Lucy, you were asked repeatedly to remove your hood. You know the rules. No head coverings of any kind inside the school."

"Are you gonna make Inya take her headscarf off?" Lucy grumbled

"That's different. She has religious exemption."

"Well I have exemption too under the fact that I don't want to."

"Lucy."

Chris was behind her and his voice made her aware of his presence, her stance instantly becoming defensive.

"Take your hood off and drop the attitude."

"Or what Chris?" Lucy turned toward him, her tone aggressive "You gonna take me down? Cuff me and break my arm?"

"That's not...have you been reading the news again?"

"No, but all you cops are the same."

Chris pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Just one day, please, could you not be difficult? I was in the middle of a-"

"Fine!"

Lucy's sudden scream made the adults jump, taken aback, but not Chris. He remained calm, watching the girl as she reached up and yanked the hood away from her face and pushed her hair away. Soft gasps littered the air as the bruises on Lucy's face and neck were revealed.

"Lucy, what happened? Are you alright?" Ms Broman, the counselor, asked

"Oh, now you care?! Five minutes ago you didn't give a shit why I was wearing my hood, you just wanted me to comply to your stupid rules."

She glared at the women before turning to glance up at Chris.

"Well?"

Chris didn't know what to say. He was shocked, which surprised him. He always had a feeling that something was going on at home, but seeing the proof shook his core.

"We should go to my office." Ms Broman suggested

"I just want to go back to class."

"Lucy, we should talk about this." Chris managed to say

"Talk about what? I got my ass kicked this weekend, big deal. I just want to do my work."

"Who did this? Was it a student?"

"No."

"Your father?"

"Why can't you people leave me alone?!" Lucy cried, pushing past the staff and running up the hallway.

They were dumbfounded, all standing there looking at each other as they wondered what to do next.

"I'll talk to her, figure this out." Chris sighed

"Good. She listens to you." Ms Broman nodded in agreement "We're really going to miss the Lucy Whisperer when you leave."

Chris chuckled before they dispersed. He knew where Lucy would be hiding and sure enough he found her in his office, curled in the saucer chair, her hood pulled tight over her head.

"Luce?" Chris sat on the edge of his desk "You ok, kiddo?"

"I'm fine."

"Who hurt you?"

No response.

"Lucy? Did your dad do this?"

Nothing.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"Ha!" Lucy's laugh dripped with sarcasm "Help? How can you help? Call the child services people?"

"I'm required by law to call them if there's a child that needs-"

"Needs what? An even worse ass beating? You think this is the first time something like this has happened? Every time some grownup tells me they're going to help, then they call the cops. Cops come, old man gets out of trouble, and I get it ten times worse. So why don't you help by minding your business."

Chris spent the rest of the day trying to convince Lucy to let him make the call but she begged and pleaded until he relented and raises his hands.

"Fine. I could lose my job, you know."

"Just say you took care of it."

Chris couldn't sleep that night. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Lucy and the bruises. Guilt laid heavy in him and he knew he should make the call but he also knew how much damage it could do. The judicial system was so backwards, and the department of family and children services didn't like to take kids out of their homes, even with solid proof. The next morning Chris went into the school feeling like a zombie and he was sure that his unkempt hair and baggy eyes showed that he had a rough night. Instead of going to his office he went to the hallways, looking for Lucy. He found her trying to threaten another kid into giving her his breakfast but she stopped when she saw Chris.

"Hey, kiddo. You okay?"

She jerked away from him, ignoring his question and storming off to her class. The entire day went by without a word from Lucy's teachers, and he didn't know if he should be worried or relieved. As he finished up a last minute document for the ROTC speech he was giving the next day, a knock on his door caused him to stop.

"Come in."

Ms Broman walked in with concern written across her usually cheerful expression.

"Have a seat. Is everything okay?"

"No, not really. Lucy's current situation is alarming."

"Certainly."

"I asked around for a bit of Intel on her and I'm not liking what I'm hearing. She refused to write an assignment last week, which you know isn't like her, about her family. Did you know that throughout the entire school year she's not once eaten a meal here?"

"I didn't know that."

"I asked the lunch staff and it turns out there's not a dime in her account. Hasn't been all year. Students say that she threatens them for food."

"Explains this morning." Chris thought to himself as he processed the information "What do we know about her parents? Anything?"

"I pulled her file, she moved her over summer, her mother died four years ago. No one has ever seen or talked to the father."

"Past records from the previous schools?"

"That only shows her grades and any incidents. There weren't any alarming ones, but she did get suspended in middle school for selling slime on campus."

"Slime? That doesn't seem like something she'd do."

Chris made a few notes and finished his conversation with the counselor. He went home for the day, still unable to focus on anything other than Lucy.

The next morning he was surprised to see Lucy waiting for him in front of his office door, arms crossed.

"Good morning." He greeted her with a soft smile as he unlocked the door and gestured for her to come in "How are you today?"

"Cut the shit, Chris." She spat, glaring at him "You're the fakest person I've ever met, you know that?"

"What do you mean?" Chris took a sip of his coffee as he looked at her

Lucy uncrossed her arms and waved the flier she had been holding in his face

"Goodbye Rally? You want to explain?"

"The school wants to hold a goodby for me on Friday. Not my kinda thing, but not my choice."

"So you're leaving?"

"I am. I had to get a new job that works better for my schedule."

"Were you planning on telling me?"

"Oh, you care?"

"Fuck you."

Tears filled Lucy's eyes, her face red with frustration.

"Lucy…"

"It's because of me isn't it?"

"What? No, Luce, that's not it at all"

"Then why?! Why leave somewhere you're needed? These kids, the ones you mentor, the ROTC kids you work with. They need you."

Chris frowned, his gut feeling as if it had been punched. He didn't want to leave his job at the high school, but if he ever wanted to finish his night classes and get his counseling degree, he had to.

"They're bringing in a new resource officer. I know her and she'll do a gild job with everyone."

"You can't leave." Tears streamed down Lucy's face "Please. I promise I won't cause any more trouble, I won't talk back or cuss ever again."

"Lucy, this has nothing to do with you."

"You don't care, do you? This is just a paycheck for you, you don't care what happens to us. Fucking liar."

Chris started to reply but was cut off by Lucy balling up the flier and throwing it in his face. She stormed out, slamming the door closed behind her. Chris sat down in his chair and buried his face in his hands, groaning.

#destroyer!chris #sebastian stan #fanfiction #on mobile so i can't do a read more #safe haven

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managedmischiefs · 5 years ago

Text

told you so//tom holland

warnings: fainting, hospitals, IV, malnourishment, talk of Heath Ledger and his death, sad boi Tom

///

inspired by tom's insta story where he thanked fans for his teen choice award win

///

Tom is always dedicated to his work and will do whatever he can to make the audience believe his character. He works endless hours on his lines, on understanding his character, and getting into the mindset of his role. But something he always dedicated a large amount of time to is his weight.

Spider-Man is an incredibly physical role. Tom was on set and doing stunts every day. He needed the muscle to support that, and he had to keep his weight constant so that his suit fit him and he didn't cause a giant problem for the wardrobe department.

But for Cherry, he's playing a veteran that is riddled with PTSD. He studied up on the disorder and discovered the effect it has on the human body, and decided that he needed to lose some of his muscle and drop some weight.

He didn't tell me this flat out though. I noticed him eating less and less over a week, after a particularly long and in depth production meeting. He decreased breakfast from a full meal to just a protein shake, and refused dinner on most days and replaced it with a workout at the gym. To say this new diet scares me is an understatement.

I'm not an actor. I don't completely understand his world. But I've been dating Tom for a few years, and I know enough to recognize that weight changing is a common practice in Hollywood. But just because it's common doesn't mean that it's right. I've heard horror stories in the media of certain roles burning out actors and ruining their lives, and that is the last thing I want to happen to Tom.

I watch as Tom comes sauntering into the kitchen, passing me with nothing but a kiss to my cheek and a whispered good morning, his voice gravely with sleep. I'm up early to study for an upcoming exam, papers already sprawled out on the island.

I sneakily watch as Tom pulls out ingredients such as protein powder, bananas, and peanut butter, then the blender. "Are you, uh-" I huff out a breath, looking down at my textbook, trying to make the conversation more nonchalant, "gonna have more than just a shake?"

"Don't think so," Tom murmurs as he starts slicing the banana. "I'm on this diet still, you know that." I open my mouth to respond but chose not to say anything, just shaking my head and deciding to drop the subject again. "What?" Tom quips after a moment of silence. "You have something else to say. I know you. Don't lie, you've got something to say."

I drop my highlighter and swing around on my barstool to face him. "Tommy, I'm just nervous about this diet, okay? I know that it's working and you're losing weight and muscle like you want to, but I'm just nervous how this is gonna affect your body and your health in the future. The last thing I want to happen is for this to ruin you."

Tom drops the banana in his hand and rushes over, placing his hands on my cheeks. "This isn't gonna ruin me. I'm okay, yeah? I'm completely fine. I'm just twenty pounds lighter. That's all."

My eyes widen and I grab onto his thinning wrists. "You've lost twenty pounds? Baby, that's too much. That's way too much! You told me ten pounds at first and I said that was too much, but twenty? That's too much!"

"It's not too much. I'm healthy, I promise." Tom swears, leaning his head forward and kissing my forehead. "We're only a week into shooting and the Russo's said everything looks great."

"I don't give a shit what the Russo's think. I care about you and your health-"

Tom huffs out a breath and drops his hands. "I am fine. You don't need to worry about me. My trainer says I'm fine, the medic on set says I'm fine, everyone agrees that I'm fine. I've only got another two months of this diet and then I'll have to bulk up for the next Avengers movie and I'll be back to the way I was before." He turns around and quickly finishes off his protein shake, putting it in a cup and closing the lid. "I'll see you tonight, okay? Good luck on your exam, I know you'll crush it."

He's kissing me and he's out the door before I can say anything else. Okay, so, that conversation didn't go anywhere close to what I had planned.

I pack up my books and head off to class for my exam, which is actually quite difficult. Or maybe I was just too busy thinking (worrying) about Tom to focus on a test. I guess I'll never know.

After my exam, I hurry off to my study of human behaviors class, hoping that today's topic will distract me from worrying about how my boyfriend is doing on set. But, of course, that hope is crushed when my professor pulls up a picture of Heath Ledger.

"Today we're going to be talking about Heath Ledger, and how his preparation for the role of the Joker effected him. Some believe the intense preparation even added to his death." She saunters around the front of the room without a care in the world, babbling on and on about how Ledger got into his character by locking himself in a hotel room and keeping a dark diary, filled with quotes, pictures, and his lines.

"Ledger was so deep into his character that he turned to medication to help him do things as simple as sleeping. Maggie Gyllenhaal even said that she could barely look at him while filming, and the crew was too nervous to be around him between takes because he would still be in character. So I pose this question to you all, did his dedication to his role and the extreme preparation for this role lead to his death?"

Oh god. Please no. This is exactly what I don't need to hear right now. Not today. Not while Tom is filming Cherry and I can't be with him at all times. Not when I get one text a day from him since he's so busy shooting scenes. Not ever.

Multiple hands shoot up to respond to the professors question. She picks a bubbly blonde in the front row. "His preparation definitely led to his death. He pushed himself too far and he couldn't handle the pressure of the movie, the pressure of stardom, the pressure of the Joker being so engrained in his mind. He couldn't shake it when filming ended, and it truly made him become some version of a psychopath."

Another student butts in. "Yeah, it's so obvious. He turned to drugs because he couldn't handle the role."

One other adds his opinion. "It's like Natalie Portman in Black Swan. She had to lose all this weight so she ate almonds and carrots for, like, months on end. And then she was in rehearsals all day and she dislocated a rib, but kept training. She said she thought she was gonna die on most days. It's very possible for actors to get so wrapped up in role that they lose a bit of reality. I totally think Heath Ledger died because of the Joker."

With that last student, I pick up my backpack and laptop and go stomping out of the lecture hall, choking back tears. I dramatically throw my belongings into my car and speed off, wiping my cheeks and trying to keep my emotions together.

I park in the first spot I see and jump out of my car, heading off to Tom's trailer, hoping that he'll be there, although the chances are slim. I've only been to Tom's trailer for Cherry once, and it was the first week of him filming. It's been lived in now, so I'm sure it looks quite different.

I hadn't expected his trailer to be a complete mess. At home, Tom is a little messy but always cleans up after himself. He clearly hasn't cleaned or let anyone clean up after him. There's clothes and shoes all over the floor and furniture, the sheets are messed up on the bed like he's been tossing and turning while sleeping, and the kitchen area is a complete wreck. There's a pile of papers and books on the coffee table that I make the terrible decision to investigate.

Having PTSD just messes up your whole life. I couldn't even get the energy to clean my house, or even my room, or my kitchen, or anything. I would throw things around and I would break things and just leave them. PTSD left me completely unable to function as a human. I couldn't sleep. How would I be expected to clean up after myself when I'm falling asleep standing?

Of course, his trailer like this is to keep himself in the character. I wonder if his costars can stand to look at him between takes.

The trailer door opens a moment later and I'm wishing it's Tom, but it's Harrison coming in, nonchalantly kicking a shoe aside to get to the fridge. "Oh hey, didn't know you were coming by. Tom didn't mention it."

"Is Tom gonna die?" I blurt out, my eyes pooling up with tears. Harrison's eyes widen at the wild question. "I'm scared he's gonna die. He's so into this character and he's gonna die, isn't he?"

"Oh my gosh, breathe, love. Tom isn't gonna die. Where are you getting this from?" Harrison takes a few steps closer to me, but it doesn't comfort me in any way.

"He's not eating, Harrison. I've seen him make food but I haven't seen him actually eat anything in almost a month. He's dealing with this disgusting trailer every day. I barely ever see him because he comes home and either goes straight to sleep or he's out at the gym until I'm asleep."

"Maybe you should talk to him." Harrison suggests. "Honestly, I'm worried about him too and I think you're the only person he'll listen to. You just gotta learn to keep your cool." He places his hands on my shoulders. "Why don't you go home and get some rest? I think you're just as tired as he is because you're stressing about it. I'll make sure that Tom goes straight home instead of going out, okay?"

I throw my arms around Harrison's waist in a much needed hug. "Thank you, Haz. You're the best."

"Yeah, I know I am." Harrison jokes with a shrug, letting me go. "Go, get out."

///

Tom doesn't come home for a while, not until I'm laying in bed, eyelids fluttering, ready to sleep. But the bedroom door creaks open, letting in a little bit of light. I listen as Tom bustles around the room to pull off his clothes, leaving him in just boxers for bed. He climbs into bed beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I sigh contently, melting into his embrace.

"How was your day?" I murmur, sleep slurring my words.

"It was fine. Go to sleep, you're exhausted." Tom whispers, placing lazy kisses to the back of my neck. "I love you."

///

The next morning is normal. Tom wakes up before me and takes a shower, leaving me alone in bed. But I get up and throw on a comfy sweater, preparing for my day of classes. Tom is heading downstairs as I'm pulling on my leggings, presumably for breakfast.

But just as I'm finishing brushing out my hair, I hear a relatively loud thump from downstairs. I immediately pause, listening for a yelled sorry from Tom, just anything.

"Tom?" I shout, creeping towards the open bedroom door. When I don't hear anything in response, I panic. I run downstairs and into the kitchen, finding the worst sight I could think of.

Tom is unconscious on the floor, a spot of blood on his forehead, and a whole slew of food on the stove. I drop to my knees, pushing Tom's hair out of his forehead. I reach onto the island and grab Tom's phone, unlocking it and dialing 999. I babble off to the operator that my boyfriend fainted when I was in the other room and I don't know exactly what happened, but that he's unconscious. She promises that an ambulance is two minutes away, that I should keep calm, and not move him.

I put the phone on speaker as I wait, setting it on the floor. And just as I do, Tom starts to stir, his eyebrows scrunching up and his head starting to swivel. I lean over him and place a hand on his cheek, forcing a smile, despite his closed eyes. "Hi, sweetheart. Hi, baby." I coo softly, my thumb rubbing across the skin. "Stay right where you are, okay?"

"What happened?" He murmurs, words slurred.

"I think you fainted. There's an ambulance coming, just don't move, baby boy, you'll be okay." I instruct him.

"Work." He whispers, head falling to the side.

"Don't worry about work. I'll call someone later on and tell them. You don't worry about that right now, okay? Just relax, I've got you."

The paramedics come knocking at the front door a moment later, sending me running over to answer it. I lead the paramedics over to where Tom is still laying in the kitchen, watching the paramedics lift him onto the stretcher and strap him in.

Tom reaches for me, making me rush over to his side. I place a hand on his cheek, moving my thumb against his soft skin, giving him a smile. "I'm right here, Tommy. Do you want me to call Harrison, or your mum or dad? Anyone?" Tom just nods, so I assume he wants someone. "Do you want me to come in the ambulance with you?" He nods again. "Okay, then I'm gonna go get some stuff and get right in there with you." He nods a third time, eyes closing all the way now.

I rush around the house in just a few seconds, pulling on a sweatshirt. I collect a backpack with a sweats for Tom, our wallets, our phones, chargers, money, and whatever I can find that we could need.

Tom is just being loaded into the ambulance when I go to lock the door and jump inside. I'm exiled to the corner while the paramedics start working on Tom, leaving me to send out texts to his family to tell them what's going on.

I'm with him every step of the way. I'm there as he rides to the hospital, I'm there as he gets brought right into a room, and I'm there as a doctor comes in to see him. But I'm pushed out a moment later to fill out paperwork, and I have to be separated from Tom.

I rush my way through the paperwork so I can get back to Tom. He would never leave me alone if I was in this situation, and I don't plan to do that to him. So I return the clipboard to a nurse and she leads me back to a different waiting room.

"You can just stay here until the doctor comes around to get you." I nod but have to hold in my groan. I just want to be with Tom.

I sit down and decide to check my phone, finding a few texts. Nikki and Dom says that the whole family is on their way, and Harrison says him and Tuwaine are leaving their golf outing to get here, but it's going to take a while.

I'm not sure how much time passes from when I get to the waiting room and when a doctor comes. Maybe it was ten minutes, maybe it was an hour. I wouldn't know. But a doctor comes around to get me, thankfully refraining from calling out Tom's name and avoiding any possible fan run-ins.

I jump up and rush toward him, smiling nervously. The doctor asks again if I'm here for Tom, to which I nod, and he leads me away from the waiting room.

"So, it seems that he's very malnourished." The doctor tells me, which is no surprise at all. "He is severely underweight and is also very dehydrated. Do you know why this is happening?"

We stop outside of his room and continue talking. "He's preparing for a movie role. His character has PTSD so he decided to lose a bit of weight. I told him it was too much but he swore he was fine."

"Do you know how much he lost?" I tell him twenty pounds and then a little about Tom's diet, and I can tell but his surprised face that Tom is in for some deep shit. "Wow, that's a lot for someone his age and weight. Basically, his body can't handle the work that he's making it do. If he's working on a film set and he's not eating properly, or at all, his body is going to give out because it can't support him. For now, I've got him on an IV drip to hydrate him and I'll come back in a little while to talk to you two about what to do from here."

"Okay, thank you so much. I can go in now?" The doctor nods and then heads off.

Tom's eyes are closed when I enter the room, but I can't quite tell if he's sleeping. Even still, there's a nurse taking his vitals who smiles at me, quickly finishing up and leaving the room.

Tom stirs when I sit in the chair beside his bed, scrunching up his crooked nose. I grab onto his free hand and move my thumb against his knuckles, taking a deep breath. "I can tell you're awake." I murmur, the tiniest smile on my face. "I know you too well."

The corners of Tom's mouth lift up in the tiniest, his eyes fluttering open slowly. "Hi." He mumbles, the word slurred.

"Hi, sweet boy." I keep my voice sweet and smooth. "How are you feeling?"

"Bad." Tom spits out, sighing. His eyes are squinting and he looks like he's in pain.

"Does your head hurt? The lights hurt?" He nods, so I stand and turn off the light, watching the wrinkles in his forehead smoothen out. "Did the doctor check you for a concussion?"

"I-I don't know."

I let go of Tom's hand again and poke my head out of the hospital room, flagging down a nurse. I tell her my concern and she promises to get a doctor in soon, then goes on her way.

"A doctor is coming, Tom." I take my seat again and lace our fingers.

A silence falls over us for a moment, but the quiet makes me more aware of the way Tom's hands are shaking.

"Are you feeling okay?" I whisper. "You're shaking. I just wanna make sure you're-"

"I'm sorry." And suddenly he's breaking down in tears, sobbing loudly. "You were right, I was wrong."

"Shh, sweetheart." I coo, moving to sit on the side of his bed. "Let's not talk about that right now. Right now, just relax and-"

"I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home." He whines, hand squeezing mine as tight as he can, which isn't much at all. He's far too weak.

"I know you do. But you've gotta be here so the doctors can help you get better so you can get home and get back to work. So let's not cry," I wipe my thumbs over his cheeks, "and just relax as much as you can. You can watch tv, close your eyes, so whatever. A doctor is hopefully coming soon to help you."

Tom looks at me with huge puppy eyes, rimmed red from tears. "You're not gonna leave me, right?"

A smile appears on my cheeks, but it feels forced. "Of course I'm not gonna leave you, pretty boy. I'll be right by your side this whole time and for the rest of your life, you know that."

His lips push out in a pout. "You can still call me pretty boy when I'm like this?"

"You'll always be my pretty boy." I leave forward and press a few kisses to his cheek, hopefully calming him down a bit.

The doctor comes back into the room a few moments later, and Tom forces me to hold his hand while the doctor inspects him again, this time for a concussion.

"Yep, your girlfriend is right, you've got a mild concussion. I'd assume you hit your head on something when you fainted, whether it was a cabinet or the floor. It's not too bad though, you should be fine in two or three weeks. But even still, I wanna keep you for the rest of the day. I know it's early, so we'll see how you're feeling later and see if you need to stay the night or you can go. We've got you on an IV to give you some vitamins and some essential things you've been missing out on over the past few weeks. You know where the nurses button is, if you need anything. I'll see you two later."

///

The rest of the day passes incredibly slowly. Tom's family shows up just a little bit after the doctor leaves. They stay for an hour or two, just to keep Tom entertained, but he's being very quiet and really only wants to talk to me. But his family is babying him and talking to him like a child. And as much as I do that to him when I'm consoling him, he absolutely hates when his family does it.

And then Harrison and Tuwaine show up and wreak havoc. I know it's for entertainment purposes and to make Tom laugh. They show up and throw a backpack onto Tom's bed, what's filled with my laptop, smuggled in fast food, some extra clothes for Tom, and a handful of dvd's. Then they loudly make their way around Tom's room, inspecting every single thing that is on the walls or in the relatively empty cabinets. I'm tempted to kick them out so they don't get in trouble, but Tom is laughing and his spirits are lifted, so I don't bother.

By the time a nurse is coming around with lunch for Tom, he's starving. I can hear his stomach rumbling, but that's a sound I've grown accustomed to.

Tom pushes around his food, not interested in the bland hospital food. "I really want what Haz and Tuwaine brought." He eyes the McDonald's bag on the other side of the room. "I don't want this shit."

"I don't know if your stomach can handle that. You haven't had fast food in months and I don't know if that's good for you-"

"Please, baby, I'm so hungry and this looks terrible." Tom begs, pushing the tray of food away from him.

I easily comply, not wanting to put up a fight with him when he's feeling so tortured at the moment. I open the bag and find a ridiculous amount of food, more than me and Tom could ever eat.

"God, these idiots must have bought the whole store out. What do you want-burger, fries, nuggets?"

"Yes." He responds, making me roll my eyes.

"You're impossible." I pull out a small fry, a cheeseburger, and six piece nugget and hand it over to him, watching him smile happily. "You're nuts. Please eat slowly and drink a lot of water. I don't want you getting sick and throwing up."

"Can we watch a movie too?" He shoves a nugget in his mouth and gestures to my laptop. I agree, pulling up Netflix and starting a random movie, setting my computer on the bed.

Thankfully, Tom doesn't have to stay the night. He's built up enough strength through the IV, food, and relaxation for the doctor to feel good about him going home. So he gets out of his hospital gown and into some sweats, signing discharge papers and wobbling out of the hospital room. And since I rode in the ambulance with Tom, Harrison comes to pick us up and drive us home.

"Looking a bit better, mate." Harrison says, giving Tom a bro hug when we get to the car.

"Thanks for picking us up." Tom mumbles before jumping into the backseat.

"Thank you so much, Haz. You're the best." I give him a tight hug before sitting beside Tom in the backseat and heading home.

///

"Do you wanna go up to bed or stay on the couch?" I ask once we step inside, dropping our bags beside the door. Tessa is off at his parents house, so our house is silent.

"I wanna go shower, and then go to bed." He mumbles, taking the lead upstairs and hobbling into the connected bathroom. I collect him some fresh boxers and a tee shirt, putting them on the counter for him when he's done. I busy myself by changing the sheets and fixing up the bed, distracting myself from the craziness of the day.

"Babe!" Tom starts calling. "Baby!"

I panic, fearing the worst, rushing into the bathroom. "What? What's wrong?"

"Will you come in with me?" He asks like a child, pouting, his curls dripping over his forehead.

"I thought something was wrong." I groan, but begin stripping off my clothes anyways. I step into the warm water and sigh of relief, happy to wash away the stress of the day. I immediately wrap my arms around Tom's skinny waist, burying my face in his neck. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yeah, me too." Tom sighs, hand running up and down my back gently. "Thank you for being there for me. You're the best girlfriend ever."

"Thanks." I chuckle with an eye roll. "I'm just glad you're home."

We finish up in the shower not long after, since being exposed to the warm water for too long could make Tom faint again. So we get dressed and crawl into bed, curling up under the cold duvet. I rest my head on Tom's chest and close my eyes, trying to drift off to sleep.

"You can say it now, you know?" Tom murmurs, lips ghosting over my forehead.

I smile softly, letting a beat pass. "I told you so."

#i dont know how to add a read below thing so sorry #reblog please!!!!#check out my wattpad #its @_obsessing #thanks for reading buddies

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dimensionsblog · 6 years ago

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Chapter 6: Anything For You

"You're awfully quiet for a power-hungry madman." A young girl said sarcastically. In response, the strings around her SOUL tightened, though at this point she didn't care. "I already told you...you'll have to kill me before I hurt my friends...so since I won't...your master plan is what...? To force me...?"

"No, my plan is much better."

"What? Glitch everyone out of existence? Scary, truly." Her sarcastic comment was met with more of a restraint on her SOUL, more pain.

"Weren't you ever curious? Of what it's like to repeatedly kill Sans? Just to come back and do it again? Just so he would remember and hate you more, Frisk?"

She froze. "Why..?"

"So you finally give up her SOUL."

"Who's SOUL?! Who's SOUL is worth that?!" Frisk retorted. "You said so yourself when you captured me! This hurts you too! So...so why...?"

The glitches skeleton was silent for a moment. He didn't respond right away. "You're...you're Error, right?" Frisk continued. "Aren't you tired of this? I would be.."

"...I'm tired. Tired of losing the only person who ever cared." Error started. "And now...I'm bringing her back, even if I have to destroy every timeline to do it!"

~~~~

A young girl woke up, gasping as if she'd finally caught her breath after nearly drowning. "Wha..Where..?" She said, examining herself. She was alive, but she didn't know how or why. Looking around, it seemed she was in some sort of a hospital. A quiet one, abandoned almost. What in the world was going on?

Strange, isn't it? What humans can actually do to each other?

She looked to where she heard the voice, and saw a young man sitting next to her in her bed. He looked familiar, yet transparent all at once.

Don't worry, you're not awake, you're still asleep. I'm here...well, I'll be blunt. I'm protecting you right now.

She raised an eyebrow in response. "Why?"

You remember the nightmares earlier this week? The ones about Asriel and the other monsters killing you? ...Didn't they seem strange to you? Out of the blue?

"I...yeah...I guess? I barely remember them." She responded. She tried to recall them, but the only thing that came to her mind was the fear afterwards. "I...I didn't even want them touching me..." She said, in realization. She honestly felt bad for upsetting them like that.

Well, now you'll be happy to know, they already found out the same thing I did. That someone was feeding you those nightmares. They weren't real.

"But wait a minute, if they know you, aren't you in the Guard?" She asked. He smiled a bit in response, she could see it under the edge of his helmet.

I decided to do what is right. And so after tonight...you won't remember me either.

"Wait! No way!" She exclaimed. "You're helping me, I can't just forget that!" She looked down, clenching her fists. "How is that right...?"

He was surprised to see her reaction. Honestly, he was simply expecting acknowledgement and a thank you, before she fell asleep again and that would be it. It made him laugh a bit, at his own stupidity. I...I haven't been around people in ages. Honestly, the king and queen were surprised I even offered to do this. But you? You surprised me most of all. He started, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. You surprised me, I admit that. I'd....forgotten humans could be so kind. So thank you for that, Chara.

She looked back at him, a bit confused. "You never spoke to me before? Are you sure?"

Ah, see? The memories are already slipping. Must mean I'm out of time.

"Are you...you're not going to die, are you?" Chara asked.

He chuckled a bit. No, this is just what I need to do to protect your mind from another attack. The doctor...he told me I wouldn't be remembered. So, I thought I'd tell you before you went back to sleep here, that you wouldn't really want to know much more.

"So, if I'm gonna forget you, why are you covering your face still?" She said, rubbing her eyes.

The medication is working I see.

"No avoiding my question." Chara said sternly. "I don't want to sleep before knowing who you are, even if I forget later."

Honestly, I just suggest not fighting sleep.

"I'm serious, tell me."

Very well then. He replied, finally taking off the helmet that was concealing his face. He had medium length white hair, like pure white. And while one eye was scarred and closed, the other was red, the same as her own. Unlike you, I can fall asleep easier. One eye is already closed. He joked, lightly pushing her back down on her pillow. Sweet dreams Chara, no more nightmares to haunt you now.

"Wait...I still don't know...your name..." She looked at him, even though she was almost falling asleep.

My name is...

---

Cloak.

---

It was early in the morning when she woke up again. As she rubbed her eyes, she could hear the birds singing.

"Chara?! Chara! You're okay!"

The worried voice was followed by a sort of tackling hug, which for some reason, really hurt her.

"Ow...Easy.." She said. "Azz, are you crying?" She added, noticing tears on his fur.

He wiped his eye. "It's just...I thought I wouldn't see you again. When that human shot you and you protected me I..." He started, but she pulled him into a comfortable hug that wouldn't hurt her either.

"Asriel...thank you."

(All art belongs to their respective owners!)

#undertale #undyne #alphys #asgore #asriel #fanfiction #frisk #mettaton #papyrus #sans #toriel #chara #chariel #cloak #dimensions

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alyce0013 · 5 years ago

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Dumpling

Your hands shook as you looked at the positive pregnancy test. You swallowed the lump in your throat, your heart pounding hard against your ribcage. You couldn't believe your eyes.

"Y/N?" Jooheon knocked on the door to the bathroom. You dropped the test in surprise.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." You responded, scrambling to pick the test back up. You wrapped it in toilet paper and buried it deep in the trashcan. You quickly washed your hands and walked out of the bathroom, right into Jooheon. He wrapped you in a hug for a moment.

"You ok?" He asked looking sweetly into your eyes. "You look like you saw a ghost."

"I'm ok. I just didn't expect you to be right outside the door." You smiled up at him, trying to push aside your fear.

"I'm just about to leave for practice and I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." He held you in his arms again making you feel safe and loved. The lump in your throat reappeared and you buried your face in his chest. Jooheon rubbed your back lovingly, enjoying every minute of your affection. You composed yourself and gave him a big smile.

"I'll see you when you get home." You were relieved your voice hadn't betrayed you. He smiled back at you and kissed the tip of your nose. Jooheon may have graduated from aegyo for his fans, but not for you.

He looked over his shoulder at you one last time before he left.

As soon as the door shut behind him, the tears that had been threatening to fall finally released. You fell to your knees. You didn't know how to tell him you were pregnant, because you didn't know how he was gonna take the news. The two of you had been dating seriously, but you weren't engaged. Thoughts swirled in your head. You knew the kind of man Jooheon was. He would want to take responsibility for you and the baby. You didn't want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he really loved you or if he was just with you for the baby.

Jooheon knew something had been bothering you for the past few weeks, but he also knew that when you were ready you would talk to him. His hand went into his pocket, pulling out a small black box. He had bought the ring inside a month ago. With the busy schedule lately, he hadn't had the opportunity to ask you. If he was being honest with himself, he would also admit he was scared to ask. He was scared of the possibility of losing you. He fiddled with the box thinking of the best way to ask. He wanted it to be special.

Jooheon looked out the window at the scenery passing by, thinking it over. He couldn't wait any longer. He had to know your answer, so he set it in his mind to ask you tonight and started planning for it.

As you sat in your favorite restaurant waiting for your friend to show up, a text from Jooheon appeared.

'Getting out early from practice. Let's make plans tonight. How does a picnic in the gazebo sound?' You smiled genuinely for the first time all day. The two of you had made so many good memories at the gazebo.

'I'll meet you there.' You sent back.

"Y/N." Your best friend sat in front of you. "What's wrong? You sounded upset on the phone and you look like you've been crying." Straight to the point as usual. You looked at her for a moment, going over it in your mind. You wanted to be able to tell Jooheon first, but you really just needed the first reaction to be predictable. Tears threatened again behind your eyes. You hated how emotional this pregnancy was already making you. You took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

"I...I'm pregnant." You whispered as a tear fell down your cheek.

"What?" Your friends eyes got big and she grinned at you. "This is good news, isn't it? Why are you crying, Y/N?" She picked up a napkin to wipe your face.

"I'm scared. I'm not really sure how else to feel other than that." You admitted.

"I'm guessing you haven't told Jooheon yet." Your friend looked at you with sympathetic eyes.

"No. I don't know how he will react."

"Y/N~." Your friend scolded you. "You know this news would make him so happy. He's so in love with you. Can't you tell?"

"I'm so in love with him. It's weird that he's normally the one who wants constant affection and I'm the one wanting it now too." You laughed through your tears, feeling a bit better about everything.

As Jooheon left practice early, the other members called out their support and continued practice without him. The gazebo wasn't too far away, so Jooheon decided to walk and pick up his part of the food on the way. He thought what he wanted to say in his head. He wanted to get it just right and he knew he wasn't really good at spur of the moment. This was harder than any rap or lyrics he ever wrote. Everytime he thought he had it down he found he wanted to add more.

Jooheon picked up the food he had ordered before he left practice. The feeling of butterflies in his stomach getting worse. He kept reinforcing in his head that he needed to know your answer before he left on tour. He couldn't bear being away for so long not knowing for sure you would be there waiting for him when he got back.

Jooheon approached the gazebo, all lit up in twinkly lights, but all he could see was you. His heart started beating faster as he took a moment to watch you organize the food you brought. You looked absolutely beautiful to him and everything he'd been preparing to say all day flew out of his mind.

"I'm here, Dumpling." He called sweetly. You laughed and got up to greet him.

"How was practice?" You took the food he had and started organizing it with the rest of the food.

"Exhausting as usual." He gave you a quick kiss.

"I actually have something to tell you." You started feeling nervous. Although your friend had calmed you down a bit, it was still a huge deal to you how Jooheon would respond.

"I do too." He noticed the change in your mood. "Can I go first? I feel like I may chicken out." You nodded, eyes wide with worry.

Jooheon looked down at his feet and shuffled them a bit. Everything he had thought of to say vasnished. He looked so serious all of a sudden, but also shy and nervous.

"I'm not always the easiest person to love, but-." Jooheon stumbled over his words and stopped the moment you held his face in your hands. He reached up and took your hands and held them tight. "I'm so in love with you. I can't even imagine my life without you in it. Your smile makes even my worst day the best. Your touch calms my every nerve. Your kisses make me feel so loved. I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?" He asked the last part while pulling out the ring and getting down on one knee. You stood there completely shocked. You had been so caught up in your stress about whether or not you were pregnant you had mistook Jooheon's recent behavior as him pulling away from you.

"I'm pregnant!" You blurted out a little louder than you meant to. Jooheon's face fell at first, his hand coming up to cover his face. For a moment you couldn't read his emotion at all. He stood up and his hand came away from his face to show pure delight. He hugged you, squeezing a little hard in excitement.

"You're pregnant?" He asked tears of joy starting to fall. He pushed away holding you in front of him. "Is that a yes?" You grinned at him, your own happy tears falling.

"Yes."

#monsta x #jooheon #imagine #short story #fluff

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unqueenlybiscuits · 7 years ago

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Ain't no pie like mah mather's chicken parm.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) (IN GERMAN ACCENT) What's up? I'm Brüno. (LAUGHING) I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna.No big deal. Whatever. I am the host of Funkyzeit, the most important TV fashion showin any German-speaking country, apart from Germany. Funkyzeit is über influential. In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their livesaccording to my "In or Out" list. In! Autism. Aus. Chlamydia. Why is autism so cool at the moment? - Because it's funny.- Great. BRÜNO: Through Funkyzeit,ich have done interviews mit everyone in the Euro-fashion world. Can you look into this camera and just say, "You're watching Funkyzeit mit Brüno"? You are watching Funkyzeit programmewith Brüno, and it's really a great show. Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like,even more like a kind of black guy? You know, like an afrikanischer... - Like this?- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are watchingFunkyzeit programme with Brüno. Yo, man. Fuck, man. Welcome to the jungle. Something maybe a bit more crazy. Maybe show a bit of skinor something like that. - No, I don't think so.- Or what about just like one Kugelsack? One of the balls? No. And the most excitingand amazing thing in the town, from the fashion streets of Milan,only for the German girls, my great hairs. Yo, man. Modelling, a lot of people think it's easy. But it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it? It's very hard. Standing in heels all day,and everyone's watching you, so you have to make sure your walk is good.And, yeah. Yeah, it's really hard,'cause you've gotta remember, like, to put your right leg forwardand then put your left leg forward and then, like, which one now? Right leg again, and then, like, the left one.And then sometimes you even have to turn. Yeah. And especially the turn. It's so scary. BRÜNO: Being the host from Funkyzeit means Brüno's alwaysseated on the front row. Hi. How are you? You have to lose some weight. - The kettle is calling the pot black.- Oh, yeah? Put your shoulders back.This is a fashion show, not a slave auction. BRÜNO: Mein personal assistant,Kookus, is my rock. He's also mein stylist. - Do you think the glasses are too much?- Yeah, I'd lose them. They're too much like, "Look at me. "Hey, everybody, look at me.Look at my glasses." - Yeah.- "Everybody, like, stare at my glasses." BRÜNO: He's also my nutritionist. (RETCHING) Yeah, that is good. BRÜNO: I have a second assistant,but ich can't remember its name. Brüno has known true love twice in his life. Once, for seven minutes with Millifrom Milli und Vanilli. No big deal. Whatever. But for the last nine years,ich have been head über heels in love mit a pygmy flight attendant called Diesel. We're just like an ordinary couple,you know, boring, stay-at-home types. (GROANS) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) - Oh, my God. I feel it. You're getting so big.- (MOANING) Ja. (LAUGHING) DIESEL: Ooh! - How much do you want?- Just half a glass. Otherwise I get too giggly. BRÜNO: In September 2008,I left for Milan Fashion Week to shoot a new season of Funkyzeit. Brüno had backstage access forthe hottest show of the week, de la Prada. So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe,a suit made entirely out of Velcro. (PEOPLE CHATTERING) I'm wearing this. This is a prototype.It's a Velcro suit made by Frederic Worms. - Wow.- Pretty cool, right? It is. I was looking at it, and can I have one? - Well, it's a prototype. It's a one-off.- Okay. - Thank you.- Yeah. Okay... - Also... Yeah.- Can you go out, please? We'll get out, but don't push me. Yeah. Okay, no listen.We haven't finished the thing. - You go out now.- Yeah. Yeah, wait a second. Take... Get this off... Stop! (PEOPLE CLAMOURING) - Thank you.- Can someone help this guy? Can you take... (CROWD MURMURING) BRÜNO: Wait. Get me out of this.Get me out of this. (CROWD BOOING) BRÜNO: Brüno was aus. For the second time in a century, the world had turnedon Austria's greatest man just because he was brave enoughto try something new. - No.- Okay. BRÜNO: Brüno was schwarz-listed. - I'm on the front row.- I don't think so. (MALE GUARD SPEAKING) I'm sorry. BRÜNO: Und worst of all... Hello? (MAN CHATTERS ON PHONE) ...ich was fired from Funkyzeit. Ich realised that night that the fashion worldwas superficial und vacuous. So, I decided instead to go to Los Angelesto become a celebrity. Ich was going to bethe biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler. What? I'm not coming. - Why not?- Because you out. You humiliate me. - I'm so sorry I humiliate you.- Okay. Gotta go. Bye, baby, I love you. Diesel, I love you. Diesel. (BLOWING NOSE) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) BRÜNO: Ich arrived in LA und cunningly avoidedbeing snapped by the waiting paparazzi. BRÜNO: No photos, please.Do you want another Diana on your hands? BRÜNO: Mein Plan was to become the biggest gay movie starsince Schwarzenegger. Maximum Santzgaut! Also, ich headed to my first meetingmit a Hollywood über agent. So my name's Brüno.I was born in Klagenfurt. I'm 19 years old. And, of course,you'll know me as the host of Funkyzeit. Okay. Well, I understandthat you took a look at a side that I wanted you to think aboutfrom the Jerry Maguire show. And I wouldn't mindhearing you try that out. Okay, great. - "Jerry enters."- No. - "Dorothy seated."- Just start with the word "hello." "Hello. Hello. "I'm looking for my wife! - "Shut up, women." That was improvisation.- Fine. "I couldn't hear your voiceor laugh about it with you." (LAUGHING) - All right, let me stop... Wait.- No, wait, wait. I... Let me stop for two minutes.Let me stop you right there. Nowhere in the script does it say he pauses for an inordinate period of time. You're here becauseyou are looking to do feature films. I wanna be a star. - In?- In a huge Hollywood movie. - Can you make that happen?- No. - What?- I definitely cannot. BRÜNO: But he did get me a starring rolein a top TVshow as an extra. DIRECTOR 1: All right, picture's next.Last looks, please. (SIGHS) CREW MEMBER: Set. DIRECTOR 1: Background.DIRECTOR 2: Action. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it gives me no pleasure at allto speak to you this afternoon. (BRÜNO CLICKING TONGUE) The defendant, as you know, has served our municipalityfor more than 12 years as city controller. So I was pained to learn that his debts compelled him to accepthundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes. - DIRECTOR 1: Cut!- (WHISPERING) Just do a little bit less. - More or less?- Less. - Less. Okay.- Yeah. (WHISPERING) Sure. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) CREW MEMBER: Set.DIRECTOR 2: Action. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at allto speak to you this afternoon. As you know, the defendant hasserved our municipality as city controller for more than 12 years, and I have known him personallyfor most of that time. So I was very pained to learn that his personal debtscompelled him to accept bribes. - DIRECTOR 1: Cut!- Here, I'll take that. - Okay.- Thank you. (SPEAKING GERMAN) BRÜNO: Sorry. DIRECTOR 1: Should we just go again?DIRECTOR 2: Okay. (SIGHS) As you know, the defendant has served this municipalityas city controller for more than 12 years, and I have personally known himfor most of that time. That is why I was very pained to learn... Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one.Could we go again? This way. (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) You were actually my second choice. I was going to go to the salon that maintainsSalma Hayek's inner thighs, but the team that do it were booked upfor the next four days because she's got the Elle Style Awards. And they said they're, like, really,really exhausted after they do her. They're exhaustedafter they wax Salma Hayek? She must have a lot of hair. They say that after a waxing,there's enough to stuff a mattress. Well. Speaking of rectums,let's get you clean. - Okay. There we go.- There's not much. Yeah, sure. (RIPS) There you go. Now there's wax in there. (CELL PHONE RINGING) Telephone. - Hello?- Hey, how you doing, man? Lloyd, hi. How are you? I just got off the phone with the network.They've agreed to do a screening. Great! Das is all maximum Santzgaut! In two days. I got them to payfor a focus group for the show. I think you just scraped my anus. WAXER: I did. I got you clean. BRÜNO: My stinker is slightly burning.Is that normal? What? No, that was to the lady who is...I'm in the salon, yes. She's just washing my Arschwitz. LLO YD: Is there any way we can getsomething together enough to put it on? - Okay, sure.- All right. I'm gonna call them right now. Are you using Vaseline? WAXER: No, lotion. BRÜNO: Could you take your fingerout of my Arschenholer? All right. I think, guys, we're finished. Once again, "Can you take my finger,your finger out of my ass," is what the guy just said on the phone. No, Lloyd, I was not speaking to you.I was just talking to the woman here. Who's got the audio? I want to hear the audio back.I want you to hear... I want you to hear what this fool is saying. Play it back. Talking about what?His asshole. (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (BRÜNO SPEAKING) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (HUSHING IN GERMAN) Can you be quiet? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Hello, hello. Hey, can you come in? Do any of you guyswant to make some more money? (WHISTLES) (SPEAKING GERMAN) - Hi. How are you?- Hi. - I'm Brüno. Great to have you here.- It's nice to meet you. Come and sit on our great furniture. These are our Mexican chair people. Demi Moore has two of them in her house. Yeah, if you sit here. If you sit on that one. Also, so tell me aboutyour humanitarian work. How important is it for youto help other people? It's like the air that I breatheand the water that I drink. - Please, have some water.- It is extremely, extremely important for me. You give love to other peopleand you get love back in spades. And I just feel like that's been my life. Great. You must be hungry.Let's bring in some food. Oh, my God. BRÜNO: Have some.ABDUL: Yeah, this is really bad for me. I'm sorry. This is really not good. We're leaving. BRÜNO: Come back, please.Can you please come back? LUTZ: Yes, yes, I understand.But I was thinking... Okay, but... Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes. Thank you. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SIGHS) Minimum Santzgaut. (SPEAKING GERMAN) Puffy Vater? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Reese Witterspinzel? Stevie Wunderbar? Wilhelm Schmidt? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Bradolf Pittler? (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) I think this focus group is really gonna be a very interesting exampleof how it's gonna play out. I actually got an interview mit Harrison Ford. - Very good. Very good.- Yes. So, you probably already know, todaywe're going to be looking at a new TV show, A-List Celebrity Max Out mit Brüno. - Howdy, I'm Lloyd Robinson.- Lloyd, Denny Bond. Hi. Hi. Great. Me und Lloyd, we haven't actually spokesince the other day when I was getting my anus bleached. (ALL LAUGHING) We won't go there, please. - We won't go there. Yeah.- That was a very difficult issue on the phone. And it's very importantwhat scores you give it, because if the show scores over an 85º%, the network's obviouslygonna be very interested. So take a look. - Absolutely.- Congratulations. BRÜNO ON TV: Who's ready to max outwith loads of celebrities? I am. Because das ist A-List Celebrity Max Out. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) - BRÜNO ON TV: How are you?- Great. Thank you for having me. Okay, so this is the part of the show, it's called Future Kinder.People who are pregnant, we've managed to get the ultrasound photos. - It's totally great.- Okay. - What's her name?- Jamie Lynn. Jamie Lynn Spears.I mean, is she a celebrity? No. (LAUGHING) Okay, let's seewhat she's got in her stomach. All right. What do you think there?Is that a white-trash foetus? Yeah. Totally. She's got her arms up like she's a A-lister. Newsflash, you're in a C-lister's womb.Am I right? Worse. I think, like, D. Do you think this kid is retarded? Definitely the hands look way too big, and the ears, like,have not been developed yet. - Yeah, so keep it or abort it?- Abort it. (SIGHS) Und now, my exclusive interviewmit Harrison Ford is only moments away.But first, some more dancing mit Brüno. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) That's right.It's the time you've all been waiting for. It's my one-on-one,exclusive interview mit Harrison Ford. - Also, here I am mit Harrison Ford.- Fuck off! (LAUGHING) What's that? (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) That's actually mine. - More champagne?- No, I'm fine, thanks. Brüno! The end bit was Lloyd's idea. The last bit was? Lloyd's? So if you coulddescribe this show in one sentence... Can anybody give me one sentence? - Go ahead.- The worst piece of crap I have ever seen. There's always one who's against it. Those... In any group, there's always one. What sick human being came upwith something like this? Well, there's always two.There's always two. I wanted to poke my eyes outwith hot needles. You'd have to borrow the needles from me. Lloyd, we need to distract him - from listening to this.- You can't. You can't. - We need to distract him.- You can't. - Kiss me.- No. No logical personwould consider a show like this unless they hadsome sort of a mental or moral defect. WOMAN: Everything. Oh, my God. BRÜNO: Let me have a look at those. "The host is a talentless idiot." Is this the dancing of a talentless idiot? - I would say that it is.- MAN: Yeah, yeah. Please, where you going? Please, this is my career.I put all my money into this. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) I'm here with Congressman Ron Paul, who was the 2008 presidential candidate. So tell me, who are you wearing? Well, I don't even knowbecause it's pretty conventional. And I'm pretty, in that sense, pretty ordinary. But the message is not ordinary. (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) Sure. - Do you want some champagne?- I don't care for any. No. There's no ice bucket,but I know a good place to put it. (LAUGHS) Yeah, you were great in there.Have you done a lot of television before? Well, off and on throughout the years.This last year, a tremendous amount. - Sure.- I do a lot of them. Do you want some strawberries - or maybe some oysters?- No, I'm okay. I'm gonna light some candles if it's okay. Really loosens you up. Has anyone ever told youyou look like Enrique Iglesias? Of course not. You're much cuter. (LAUGHS) I love music. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYINGON STEREO) And dancing. I used to be a dancer. (CLEARS THROAT) Whoops. (SPEAKING GERMAN) - All right! Get out of here!- What? - All right, this has ended.- BRÜNO: What's going on? PAUL: That guy is queerer than the blazes.He took his clothes off. Let's get going. - WOMAN: What happened?- He's queer. He's crazy. He put a hit on me. He took his clothes off. BRÜNO: I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul. How would I become weltfamous? Ich decided to seek advicefrom the wisest guy I'd ever known. I wanna speak to Milli from the pop dance group Milli und Vanilli. Is he in heaven?And if so, is he in the VIP section there? He says he's in a placewith green trees and flowers. Can I ask him if he has any advice for me? (EXHALES) He says there's some sort of thing that youwill set up, like a foundation or something, where there will be other people involvedthat will benefit. Okay, that's a great idea, 'cause if I do that,then I'll definitely become world famous. Absolutely. There's something that he could dothat could make me incredibly happy. - Can I kiss him now?- Of course. (SPITS) (MUMBLING) (SNORTS) (GAGGING) (GROANING) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (PANTS) Well, good luck with your life. BRÜNO: Thanks to Milli,ich could now see clearly despite having an eyeful of Schpunken. Charity was a great way to become famous. Also, Brüno just needed to findthe hottest world tragedy to fix. I want a charity that doesn't involvetoo much effort, but is gonna really make a difference,you know, really put me into the A-list. Is there something that you, like,that you believe in? Well, I'm really into issues. Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse. - So...- Great. Now, I think that would be...That's something to get involved now, so, we can just help ease the... Like, after us, in order to help for our future. In order for everyone... It's justa beneficial thing to be involved with now. I'm really into doing somethingmaybe for Africa. - Okay.- Is that still cool or... Saving some kind of extinct animal.What's going extinct right now? - I don't know, like elephants or something.- And then make bracelets? That's so bad. Never mind.I was gonna say make bracelets out of a... Make bracelets out of the extinct animal? That's not gonna really work though,because you need the... You can't take from the extinct animal. What's the coolest type of charityto get into at the moment? Save Dafar? - Save what?- Save Dafar. - Save Dafar, yeah.- Angelina Jolie. Is that in, like, Iraqi or something like that? Yeah, that's in the... It's in... Yeah. Yeah. Is there anywhere in the worldthat no celebrity has tried to fix? Darfur is the big one now. - Yeah, no, it is.- What's the new one? What's Dar-five? - Yeah.- Yeah. BRÜNO: Ich was going to become famousby solving a world problem. But which one? Clooney's got Darfur. Sting's got the Amazon,and Bono's got AIDS. Luckily, there was still one shitholeleft to fix, the Middle-earth. Mein Plan was to get both sides to signa peace deal in front of the world's press, making Brüno über famous. Hi, I love your hat. It's great. (BRÜNO SPEAKING SPANISH) Hey, great. Is that Marc Jacobs? (MAN YELLING) BRÜNO: Lutz! Lutz! Start the car! Lutz! Why are you so anti-hummus? I mean, isn't pita bread the real enemy? You're confusing Hamaswith hummus, I believe. - Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.- Do you think there is a relationbetween Hamas and hummus? So was the founder of Hamas a chef? He had created the foodand then got lots of followers. Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.It's a food. Okay? We eat it. They eat it. It's vegetarian. It's healthy. It's beans. Well, do you both agree on that? We both agree that hummus is very healthy. So we're making progress. Let's try and get a solution, right? 'Cause I'm not gonna be here forever.Will you, the Palestinians, agree to give the pyramids backto the Israelis? This is in Egypt. Not in Palestine. I don't care where you put them.Give them back. This is about gaining somethingfor your own people whether you believe it,whether you were convinced to do that. - But in any case...- All right, okay. Take it easy, girlfriend. - All right.- SELA: Civil rights... BRÜNO: If I did not get these queens to signa peace deal soon, I would not become famous. So I decided to think outsidethe Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung. I've written a song that I thinkis gonna help us make peace. In fact, I know it will. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) (SINGING) I've written a song that I hope is gonna bring you two together It's time for this war to end Jews and Hindus, you be friends This is the Middle East Creating love is my mission Don't kill each other Shoot a Christian Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Yeah, a bit more than that. BRÜNO: Ich was out of options. My song hadn't worked, und I didn't haveenough ecstasy for everyone. Ich was ready to give upwhen I suddenly remembered something that the Jude had said. SELA: In the last few years,people were kidnapped, and then they wouldbroadcast it to the whole world. - To the whole world?- Yeah. So what, the whole world gets to see - these hostage videos?- Of course. Of course. BRÜNO: Ich would become famousby getting kidnapped. I am going to say somethingthat is gonna get you so angry that if you've got a gun on you,you're gonna pull it out - and shoot me in the head. Are you ready?- Yeah. Your hair is sun damaged. (MALE TRANSLATORSPEAKING ARABIC) I'll be honest with you. I want to be famous. And I want the best guys in the businessto kidnap me. Al-Qaeda is so 2001. I don't like. Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizardor a homeless Santa. (SPEAKING ARABIC) (TRANSLATOR SPEAKING ARABIC) (SPEAKING ARABIC) TRANSLATOR: Get out. Get out now. BRÜNO: Ich was encouragedto leave the Middle East. But Brüno had a new plan. It involved stopping off in Africa on the way home for a little bit of shopping. (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) BRÜNO: Mein little afrikanischerFreund was going to get me on the cover of every magazine. Also, ich hired a top photographer und held a casting forthe hottest baby photo shoot ever. (CAMERA CLICKING) We're gonna do like this religious theme where my baby is gonna beon a crucifix playing Jesus even though my baby's black.So it's pretty cool, no? That's cool.It's kind of like that Madonna video. Yeah, it's really edgy.You know, we're turning it on its head. Why not? Come on. Whatever. So. We're looking for two thievesto be on the crucifixes next to my baby. Would you be ready for your babyto be strung up on a crucifix next to mine? Fine. Yeah, I don't mind herbeing up on a crucifix. Sure. Is your baby comfortable with bees,wasps and hornets? George is comfortable with everything.He's fine. Is he comfortable with deador dying animals? Yes. Great. Amateur science? What do you mean by that? You know, some untrained peopleconducting scientific experiments. - Should be fine.- You know, her mixing the pots of acid and that type... - Okay.- And so it's a yes. - Yes.- Great. Is she okay withextremely rapid acceleration? (LAUGHING) Yes. - Okay.- Yes. Does she always have to be in a car seat,or can she just, like, freestyle it? Yeah. You can freestyle it,put her in a car seat. Whatever. If it looks better without the car seat... Of course. Of course. So what? You're travelling fast.You're not gonna kill it. Of course. Of course. Is your baby finewith antiquated heavy machinery? Yeah, she's fine. She's been around that. Would she be fine to operate them? - Yes.- Great. Is your baby fine with lit phosphorus? Yes. Excellent. Does he like it? - Loves it.- Good. A little sensitive subject here.How much does she weigh? She's about 30 pounds. - Thirty pounds.- Yes. Approximately. Can Olivia lose 10 pounds in the next week? In the next week, seven days. Yeah. I'd have to do whatever I could. If there's a problem losing the weight, would you be ready to have Oliviaundergo liposuction? If that was a last resortand she didn't lose the few pounds, then, yeah, we'd have to do that. Great. Fantastisch news. We have chosen your babyto be dressed as a Nazi officer pushing a wheelbarrow with another babyas a Jew in it into an oven. Into an oven? Congratulations. How do you feel? - Great, if she got the job. That's great.- Yeah. (SINGING LULLABY IN GERMAN) (BOTH SINGING IN GERMAN) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) O.J., you're going to be on television. (RAP MUSIC PLAYINGON HEADPHONES) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (EXCLAIMS) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (HONKS) Welcome back to Today with Richard Bey. Now, our next guest is a single parent.Please welcome Brüno. (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Where are you from? I'm from Austria. Austria. And what are your impressionsof the American people? You see a lot of them out here. I gotta say, I love American people,and I love African-American people. You're the best. You guys are the best. All right, all right.Now, you are a single parent. - Yeah.- Most people think that a child should have two parents. It is, like, really difficult, you know, bringing up a child without another parent.Am I right? - Right.- Right. I'm hoping that I don't grow old alone.Am I right? WOMAN 1: True that. True that. I'm hoping that I find Mr Right. Am I right? - No!- No! WOMAN 2: No, no, no, no, no. Well, honey, you need to get it together.Sugar, you're lost and confused. - BEY: All right, now...- Listen, you're just jealous 'cause you know I can get any guy here. WOMAN 3: Go get them! (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) BEY: You brought your son here today? - BRÜNO: That's right.- Can we see your son? Yeah, sure. MAN: No. No. BEY: All right, this is... (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) - What?- Where did they allow you to get your baby from?Is your baby from Australia? I was in the Middle East, like,solving the crisis there. No big deal. Whatever. And I flew back here to America, und I stopped over in this countrycalled Africa, right? Africa is a continent, not a country, baby.Get it right. Well, it is full of African-Americans. It's full of Africans.It's full of people of African descent. No. That's a racist thing to call them.African-Americans is the right word. No. African-Americans are here. (AUDIENCE DISAGREEING) No, they're calledAfrican-Americans, girlfriend. No, fool. BEY: All right. So how did you find your son? I swapped him. WOMAN 1: You swapped him?WOMAN 2: What? (AUDIENCE CHATTERING) Swapped the baby for what? - For an iPod.- What? (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) Not just any iPod. One that was, like, limited edition, red.A U2 iPod. Heard of it? BEY: All right, but wait a second.You are the baby's father now. And you chose to dress that baby upin a T-shirt that says what? Gayby. That's not the baby's name, is it? No. I gave him, like,a traditional African name. So what's the baby's name? O.J. (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) BEY: Stand up, please. I think you're using him as an accessory. I think maybe because he's a black babythat might be your cue, like how some people walk in the parkwith dogs to pick up girls, that might be your cueto get maybe a down-low brother. I don't know. What do you think? I gotta be honest. He's a real dick magnet. (AUDIENCE CLAMOURING) You brought some photographsthat you took with the child because... I guess to demonstratehow much you love the child. We're going to put them up on this screen. That's the first shot. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) Let's see the next picture. You're gonna burn in hell for that one. That's some mess. All right. Do we have another photo,or is that the last one? There we go. What is going on here? If I'm having fun,I want little O.J. to come with me. I want him to have fun with me. BEY: Hold on. Hold on. What's that? - What is that?- BRÜNO: Someone's scared. - BEY: You're making the audience leave.- They are scared of the truth. Yes, ma'am? Stand up, please. Go ahead. Listen, I don't see how you can even walkout of here with that baby in your hands without someone stopping youand taking that baby out of your possession. All right, well, you know,there is a finale to this talk show. Please welcome Shatonya Migginsfrom the State Child Services Department. Take the baby. What would be the opinion,the legal opinion of the state, which is empowered to look after childrenand their welfare? This child is here illegally. No, it's not. I made a deal with the mother. And at this time, we're taking the childinto protective custody. - You are not doing that. You're not taking...- MIGGINS: The child is going... Get off me. That is my baby. Give him back! Give me my baby back! Give me my baby! Give him back! Come on! Back! Give me my baby back! O. J! Give me my baby! Give me my... Give me my baby! O. J! O. J! O. J! Give me my baby back! You want some pie today? Yeah. I haven't had any carbs for 15 years, since I was, you know, four years old. - Since you was four?- Yeah. Is that your boy? He's pretty. BRÜNO: That was my boy.He got taken away today. I'm so sorry. Gosh. What is he, about two? I think he was about, I don't know, six or... - Was he? Was he about that age?- I don't know. He could've been a midget.So he could have been 10. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (LUTZ LAUGHS) (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) (LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN) (BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN) (ALARM CLOCK RINGING) Good morning, cowboy. What's your name? (MUFFLED) Lutz. (SCREAMING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (MUMBLES) (BRÜNO YELLING) BRÜNO: Get that out of my face. Move that out of my... No, Lutz. Hello? Engineering. Hello, I apologise for the state of the room. But can I assure you,the toilet is absolutely spotless. Can you look?The key, I think, is over there, just... No, I can't do this. Yeah, Brian, I need you up hereon 20 immediately. Well, no, it's two guyshandcuffed together on a bed. And there's some contraptionwith a dildo on the end of it. And they're asking...They've been staying at the hotel for a while and wanted to know if I can get the keyfor them because they can't get out of bed. I'm pretty freaking flipping right now. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) BRÜNO: Come in.MANAGER: Can you tell me what's going on? You were not meant to see this.You find the key, I can get out of this. Now, can you just look under that shelf... No. This is not what wassupposed to be going on in here. You're telling me, honey. I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegianwith a PhD in sucking dick. That's not my concern. Okay, well, listen, one other thing. Can you switch off the television?Because I made a fart, and I am on the verge of buyingMr Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. That's unfortunate. No, but I refuse to payfor Mr Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. I did not press it. No, I'm afraid we are notgonna be doing that. Hey, listen, you. What's your name?Hi. What's your name? - No, don't even talk to me.- You're cute. You're like a Latino Paul Giamatti. - Hey, don't talk to me. I'm not talking to you.- Hey, girlfriend. (POP MUSIC PLAYING) Also, great. Maybe they can let us out. Excuse me, can you unlock us? Please.Hello? Can you unlock us? Please, can you unlock us? Please. My assistant's about to shiton my balls. (SIREN WAILING) What's going on here? BRÜNO: What does it look like, Paul Blart? Brüno. (EXCLAIMS) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (EXHALES) Brüno. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (THUNDER RUMBLING) BRÜNO: Ich was at a low point.Brüno had hit rock Arsch. Lutz had gone, und ich had onlynine Freunds left on MeinSpace. Lutz! Lutz! (WHIMPERING) (YELLS) BRÜNO: I was about to give upon my dream of celebrity, when suddenly it hit me. All the most famous stars in the world, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey,they all had one thing in common. They were all straight. To become famous,I would have to quit guys. Ich just needed to finda cock-aholics anonymous. Things have got to change.I want to become straight. - Awesome.- Once I'm straight, can I still play the clarinet? If it doesn't remind youabout some of the behaviour that you engaged inwhen you put your lips around it. If it doesn't remind you of that,then I say go for it and play the clarinetwith everything inside of you. If it does remind you of that,then I say put it down, give it away, let a friend hold ituntil you know in your mind you're ready to pick it up againand it wouldn't remind you of that. Und what about ifI put a flute up my stinker? That... I wouldn't do that either because itwould remind you of the former lifestyle. So you don't put any woodwindinstruments up your Arschwitz. - Absolutely not. You know why?- Why? Because that would harm my body.That would hurt... - Only if you lose the reed.- Okay. Well, that would... That would be bad. Is there any music that I shouldn't listen to?Any bands? Sinead O'Connor. The Indigo Girls. Of course, the Village People. When I become straight,you know, a Kuntmeister, are there any new hobbiesthat I should take up? - Do you enjoy hiking? Lifting weights?- Sure. Man, there's nothing like just working out and lifting weightsand building your muscles around some other men who are not gay. I'm totally irresistible to gay guys.They see me und they want to schtupp me. - Right.- So how do I protect against those guys? If they get close to you,hit them and leave the situation. How do you spot the homosexual? Very hard to do. Because some of them don't even dressno different than myself or you. - Amazing.- You know? It's kind of like terrorists. If a terrorist has infiltrateda police department and he dresses like the policemen,how would you know that's him? What are obvious thingsthat we can look for? Obvious is a person that's beingextremely nice to them to start with. So if someone approaches you in the streetund is being very, very nice to you, you know that they are a homosexual? Most likely. How should I protect myselffrom being attacked by homosexuals? They probably would attack from behind. So, again, if I am a homosexual, and I'm just trying to run in und kiss you... - Boom! You done moved in the wrong range.- Right. Let's say the homosexualhas got you on the ground. Okay. Und the homosexual, you know,has got you down here. - Right.- I go to pull this down. - I want to lock this, lock this leg here.- Touching. - Yeah.- Hit with the elbow. Boom. As I roll across. How do you protect yourself from a dildo? So let's say I'm trying... Here, you know. Like that. You know? Und disarm the dildo? Yes. Is it harder to defend against a black dildo? - No.- Great. One is just as easy as the otherto defend against. - So, I'm attacking.- Boom. - Like that.- Let's say I go down and I... Trap it, work the knees. Work the elbows. How do you defend yourselfagainst the man with two dildos? Coming in. Here. Boom. Depending on his range. Boom.Then to his face. Boom. Okay? Kick around, boom. (PANTING) He can't do nothing from there. And if he's just runningwith his pants down? Here. Boom. And then to the eyes. - Homosexual attacking your bum.- Leg here. And then come in and break his arm.Take it here, take him out. Break his arms. Boom, break his ribs.Break his arms. Okay. Thank you very much. Fantastisch. - Okay.- It's very useful. That's just totally different thanwhat I've ever tried to, you know, work with. So you were never gay? It's ironic that you should haveamazing blow job lips. Well, these lips were made to praise Jesus. No, they were made for something else,but you're just not using it for them. Well... Are there any activities you suggest where I'll be surroundedjust by straight guys? (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) LEADER: Let's go! Let's go!ALL: Let's go! Let's go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) - Push ups! Sit ups!- Push ups! Sit ups! - Hurry up. Get in here.- Was? Make this bed. Hurry up. Make the bed. But do you have something,maybe a double... Make the bed! Could you hold the sheet over there? I'm not holding anything. - Get down. Get down.- Was? I said, get down! Do push ups. This line right here isa line that you don't cross. This is TAC Alley. TAC Officer's... You're in it again. This is my alley. I don't want to be in your alley. Yeah, well, get out of it.Your finger's in my alley. Not yet. By the way, where's your uniform?Go get your uniform on. Do it! Oh, my gosh. What's up with the scarf? That is, like, it's my own thing. Let me introduce you to somebody.Captain Miles. Candidate, what are you doing? Stand at the position of attention, candidate. - Do it! Do it!- Head and eyes straight forward, candidate. Head and eyes straight forward.Stand still, candidate. That is not part of the uniform, candidate.You need to take that off. This outfit is too matchy-matchy as it is, and so I was just trying to break it upwith some simple horizontal lines. Do you have an attitude, candidate?Do we detect an attitude? - Sir, she's got an attitude.- MILES: What? Sir Officer Candidate,did you just call me "she"? - Get down, candidate! Now!- Do it! What type belt is that, candidate? What is that? - D&G.- What is D&G? Dolce und Gabbana. Hello? - "Hello"?- "Hello"? - Front in the rest position.- Get down, you! Sir Officer Candidate,you deserve a medal for exceptional skin. What are you talking...What are you trying to say, candidate? Sir Officer Candidate, you could be a generalin the Bitch Army the way you're going. - Did you use profanity again?- Did you use profanity? But you're being really nasty. The OC guide states that I will notuse profanity while I'm at OCS. Yes, mein Führer. Yes, Officer Candidate. OFFICER: Hurry up!MAN 1: Hurry up! Let's go! MAN 2: Yeah, this is mine.MILES: You better help your buddy. (ALL SHOUTING) Get out of my TAC Alley. Get out of my TAC Alley. - Hurry up! Hurry up!- OFFICER: Move over there! (ALL YELLING) (HIGH-PITCHED YELLING) - Salute!- Salute with your right hand. OFFICER: Salute with your right hand. - That's not a salute.- That's not a salute. OFFICER: That's not a salute. Can I tell you about the personthat changed my life? Was it Karl Lagerfeld? No, actually, his name is Jesus.Jesus is in this room right now. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us.He's here. (WHISPERS) Amazing. That's exactly right. He's amazing. You want to be famous.You'll be one that's so famous, Brüno, you will prepare the wayfor other young men all over the world who want to come out of the homosexuallifestyle and make a change in their lives. And they'll say, "If Brüno can do it,then I can do it. "How did he change?How did you change, Brüno?" And they'll say, "It's Jesus. He changed me." But he wants to come intoyour heart right now. Are you ready to make that change? Are you hitting on me? No, I'm not. Okay, good, 'cause I just...That was, like, really hot, that whole speech. Are there any outdoor activities that I should doif I want to become straight? Absolutely. - Hi.- Hello. - Mike. Brüno.- Brüno. Hey. Great. - I'm Donny.- Brüno. Robert. - You ever been hunting?- BRÜNO: I've never killed an animal. Although, I did oncesuffocate a hamster in Mykonos. The women, eh? Do you prefer the vaginaor the mammary glands? - I prefer the vagina.- BRÜNO: Me, too. I love a woman with a vagina. Yeah. My favourite. Didn't see anything. We were just talking about vaginas. About what? Vaginas. The woman's vagina. Sharing storiesand saying how much we enjoy them. Yes. Really fantastisch. Really wonderful things. It's my favourite. (BRÜNO SCREAMS) This is wonderful. This is what rabbit look like. Look at the four of us.We are so like the Sex and the City girls. No, we aren't, either. Which one are you, Donny? I ain't any one of them. I'm Donny. That is such a Samantha thing to say. BRÜNO: I've never beenout of the city before. You haven't? How's it feel? I feel a bit vulnerable. You know, I'm 19 years old,I've got a perfect body. You know, I really don't want to wake uptomorrow morning und find that I'm torn in my Arschenholer. You probably ain't the only one. Me, either, definitely. Wow, there's so many stars in the sky. Full of them. Makes you think ofall the hot guys in the world. Do we all share one tentor what's more sensible? I hope not. (BRÜNO WHISPERING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (BRÜNO SPEAKING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (BRÜNO WHISPERING) (BRÜNO WHISPERING) (MIKE SPEAKING) (BRÜNO SPEAKING) All right, God damn it. BRÜNO: Reverend BJ found metoo much of a handful and put me in touch with one of his chums. You look decent in that. Look like a straight guy, how's that? (LAUGHS) Women are good for us. They're good even though they appear to usto be terribly conventional. And we find that somewhat irritating that they complain so much. - Right.- But we need that. We need many of the things that, at first glance,are annoying and irritating. And women often don't stick to the point. They're often talking about one thingand then another and then another, and they never get back to the first pointmaybe ever. I am repulsed by the ideaof making the sex with a woman. The important thing is to be around women, somewhat, that you find tolerableor interesting and give them a chance to seduce you. (DOORBELL RINGS) How did you get into it? We, actually, our first time was on our... (ALL LAUGHING) - Our honeymoon.- Yeah. Of all nights for us to swing,the first time was for our honeymoon. Und what is your favourite position? That would be missionary or reverse cowgirl. What's reverse cowgirl? Show me. I'll pretend to be the woman. Like, I'm sitting here, and... Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman...Don't worry. Yeah, so what? You'd be sitting like that, - and that's called reverse cowgirl.- Right. Right. And then when you're facing me,that's called cowgirl. This one here is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl? This is cowgirl. And then when you're turnedthe opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl. Und what other positions are there? - Power driver.- Right. Sixty-nine. But this is the girl's position. (INHALES DEEPLY) You don't want to be like thisif you're a guy. There's missionary, doggy style. So what's doggy style like? You'd be bent over, like a dog does it. Yeah. Like that? All right,and then what would you be doing? If you was a woman,I would be humping you. - No, show me.- (LAUGHING) I'm not gonna show you. - You're a man.- Don't be a faggot. (CHUCKLING) Come on. What's the big deal?It's just a couple of guys. I'd be humping you like that. Wow, I can't wait to do this to a woman. (LAUGHS) (WOMAN MOANING) Anybody want a sandwich or something? (MOANING) Yeah. Great. Very good. You've got great hair actually. - Thank you.- Yeah. (EXHALES) That was great. - Oh, yeah.- Good boy. (WOMAN MOANING) Fuck, yeah. You're doing a great job. Thank you. Come on, Jack, look me in the eyes. Look me in the eye. You can do this. (LAUGHS) Dude. (MAN LAUGHING) Why would he look you in the eyeswhen he's looking at a pussy? - Why would he look you in the eyes?- No, no. Just for concentration. - He does not look in a guy's...- I don't need you for concentration, okay? - Look her in the eye.- This is a fucking swingers party. Okay? If you don't want pussy,if you don't want fucking... - No, I want...- Then quit fucking touching me and quit telling meto look at you in the eye. Okay? I didn't come herefor no fucking queer shit. Okay? - Me, neither.- Okay. - Let's keep it at that then.- Cool. This is a fucking swingers party.Right, guys? JACK: I see what the fuck you're doing, dude. - Hi.- JACK: Did he not try to pull - that queer shit on you out there?- Hi. How you doing? JACK: I don't need this motherfuckertouching me on the back, telling me to look himin the fucking eye. Right? - I was just going to the kitchen.- I know, yeah. Come on. What's this shit? Let's take this off. Let's maybe we getto know each other a little. - I think you broke that, actually.- I don't give a fuck. Yeah, there is...Let's get to know each other a little bit first. (EXCLAIMS) Know each other? What? You must produce a lot of milk. I don't want you to do somethingthat you'll regret. You wake up tomorrow, you've lostyour virginity, and you feel ashamed. You know, let's take this a little slower. - We should reschedule.- Sit the fuck down. Sit the fuck down. Don't fuck around! No, let's do this the right way. (BOTH EXHALE) I go, and I sit down with your father,we talk about this. - lf he gives his permission...- What? Would you quit being a little bitch here and take your little briefs offbefore I fucking rip them? Wait. Yes. - Yeah.- Fine. - Thanks.- Okay. Great. I don't like this little shit. Yes, well, I want to really makethis heterosexual sex. It's going to be fantastisch! Do as I say. Take that fucking shit off now! (WHOOPS) - Don't... You fold them.- (EXCLAIMS) Fuck. You gotta fold that neatly.You don't treat suede like that. It stains. Sit the fuck down. Take it off! I've got an idea.Let's play a little bit of dress-up here. It will be erotisch. What is this?You gonna dress me like a man? No, it's just a beard. - Am I supposed to wear a beard?- It's just a... Come on, it will be fun. I don't need a beard. Take it off! Now! Once you put the... (EXCLAIMING) - Fuck! Take it off.- Okay. I'm... - Okay, I'm going to do this.- Right now! Get on your fucking kneesand suck my spike here, bitch. Okay. Help! Don't fuck around! BRÜNO: Don't call me gay! I'm gonna become straight.I'm gonna become über straight. I'm gonna be the straightest manwho's ever lived. Und then I'll be famous.You'll see. You'll see. (DISTANT CHEERING) (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING) (AUDIENCE CHEERING) What's up, Arkansas?How's everybody doing? You guys ready to seea little ass kicking tonight? (AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY) Make some noise, everybody.Put your hands together. Make some noise for the host of the brand-new TVshow,Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout. Give it up for Straight Dave! (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Straight Dave. Straight Dave. (CHEERING) (SHOUTING) Are you ready forsome man-slamming action? Who's ready foran old-fashioned heterofest? Are you 100% hetero like me? Who out there is proud to be straight? Let me hear you say straight pride. - Straight pride.- Straight pride. Straight pride. - Straight pride.- Straight pride. I am so straightthat when I bought my house, the first thing I didwas brick up the back door. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) You know why?Because my asshole's just for shitting. Let me hear you say that. - My asshole's just for shitting.- My asshole's just for shitting. It's great to have an eveningwith straight people. It's great not to have any fags here. MAN: You're a faggot! Who called me a faggot? Whoever called me a faggot come up here,and I'll beat your Arsch. Who called Straight Dave a faggot?Come up here. Let him in. (AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY) Who wants to see me beat this fag's ass? Who wants me to beat this... Fuck him up! Get him, motherfucker! (BOTH GRUNTING) Beat his fucking ass! Kick his ass! (SLOW ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) Fucking fag! - Homo! Queer fags!- Motherfuckers! (EXCLAIMING) Stop! Stop! Get out of my town. You all are sick. Tell him we don't have no faggots herein Arkansas. Take that shit somewhere else. You pussy-ass faggot motherfucker! (SHOUTING) - Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!- Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit! - Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!- Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit! (SPEAKING MANDARIN) BRÜNO: The footage went everywhere,und Brüno became über famous. (CHATTERING) As for Lutz,we decided to get married in California. But because of the law,we had to be a bit inventive. I feel this is the biggest stepyou'll ever make in your lifetime. - It's a very big moment.- That's right. Am I going to be able to meet herbefore we actually start? Sure. I... I don't marry two men or two women. If she's a man,then how did it give birth to our son? You gave birth to a little black child? (IN FALSETTO) Yes. When did you have the baby? I don't even know whyI'm asking that question. BRÜNO: But even thoughmarriage was a nicht-nicht, we weren't gonna let it get us down. We were happy. We had each other. And we had O.J. back, although he did cost us a MacBook Pro. Plus, ich was now so famous that I was able to recordmein very own charity video. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) I've written a song that I hope is gonnabring the world together Put down your guns and bombs and just make love forever Okay, then. He's come to heal the world and make all nations calmer I am the Austrian Jesus He is the white Obama He's the white Obama War's just based on hate and fear Stop fighting, North and South Korea You're both basically Chinese And he's Brüno, dove of peace Hey, yo, Brüno, where the bitches at? BO TH: You are Brüno, dove of peace SNOOP DOGG: You do it, fashion modelYou got the cute hos ALL: You are Brüno, dove of peace (SNIFFS) You know, I love black guys.I'm a chocoholic. ALL: Du bist Brüno, dove of peace Brüno wants peace. Either we gonna have peace,or we gonna have motherfucking war. I have a dream for the Third World Clean water, food and teaching In every village and every town a place for anal bleaching We need to rid the world of hunger I'm like Bono, except much younger He's only Ich bin Brüno, dove of peace Hey, hey, he gay, he gay Okay. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

dont mess with the zohan

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SergeiK

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